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physically or emotionally. a joker. maybe. a pacifier. at times. and... usually make the issues, people don't notice much.


  • Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas
  • Solitaire Mystery
  • Veronica Decides to Die
  • The Best Laid Plans


April 12, 2010

The Unhealthy Love

               "Calm down. Relax. Take it easy. Everything's going to be fine."

                These words always lingers on me whenever the tension between us is going beyond the limits. I hate it when he speaks like he is a total loser than I am. And whenever he sees himself as a nobody in terms of my priorities. I hate it when he speaks ill about my friends, whom he never met yet. That he thinks they are nothing as compared to him. He always thinks I'll give in to them more often than him, that I'll always go with them so easily whenever they ask me to, that I'd hang out with them without his own consent, that I will always and ever choose them over him.

               I hate it when he reacts on my best-friends' messages to me, and that, as if I am not allowed to befriend my long time friends and just focus on him, Forever on him, him and him alone! I hate it when his voice goes loud that as if I am not a lady to be respected and no right to be treated well, that as if I don't deserve a good attention over things he used to do and me, obliged to change my ways I was used to. I hate it when I do some stuffs that I thought would be OK, without his consent, that I still have to ask for his permission for some stuffs like Photoshop, Facebook, and Messenger. The hell these things are made for fun and I don't see any decree that girlfriends aren't allowed to spend time with these. Are these things against the law for someone in a relationship?

                I know its been a while that I suffered a lot from him, since there was that lady who tried to take him on and him letting it be, that as if everything would just be so fine and nobody would be hurt. that whenever I'll be knowing about it, I'd just let him go and let them live happily ever after. hell no!

                  I know I am not a perfect partner and I can't give all the things he wanted me to do. But I am sure that I am doing all my responsibilities as his partner and I am way far, so far from her pasts. Having him for this long is an achievement, but I take it more as a realization. Yet, sometimes, I still wonder... if things would be just like this and that. Would it work?

                Is it enough to just love a person unconditionally, even if you know that someday, all his bad deeds from past might come back and go after him? I'm coming to the point that I might cut the tie between us, I might have enough and release him, let go of his own way. Cause I'm tarting to fade, give me more reason to hold on. For this is not the real thing I wanna have. It's unhealthy love!