Beauty is Her Madness

“I was attacked in the forest while I was at rest. No worries, no doubts, no fear, nothing but myself and things that surrounds me, just those things that surrounds me. I dare not go out of my cave, for I know, there are eyes watching me. Every step creaks lot of creatures, waiting for their prey. Just for one night, back from the past, there’s this one creature, from the wild, that escaped and roared out the forest. I thought, it was beauty that reigned.  A beautiful creature from afar of nobody’s land. The beasts liked her, loved her and praised her, yet beauty wasn't enough and didn’t last to uncover the sharp fangs and claws of her madness. Beasts started to be mischievous. Untamed by the its beauty and madness, and then suddenly plagued out. Misfortune came to the forest just when creature was driven out. Now, she hits again. We’re now wondering why she came back. Then I thought, she’s just making a ding and a loud ring to take in again."

May Sasabihin Ako, Pero Huwag Mong Ipagsabe

magiisip ako ngayon ng bago.
sa panahon. sa mga lugar. sa mga pgakain.
sa mga tao. sa mga hayop. sa mga bagay-bagay at
sa sarili ko. ano bang bago pag nagsulat ako dito?
marami. dahil marami ang maaaring makabasa ng lahat ng sinusulat ko.
di nanaman mapakali ang mga daliri.
sabi' dapat pa'sulat nalang para di na mababasa ng iba, di pa mawawala.
sabi ko naman, ganun naman talaga dapat.
ano naman kung may makabasa,
ano naman kung mawala.
bago ba sa atin ang pagsusulat o pagkekwento sa ganitong paraan?
marahil sa iba (yung mga napagiwanan ba)
pero diba? bago magsulat o magkwento ang isang tao.
ano ba ang pakay niya? sabihin sayo ang kwento para itago mo sa sarili mo?
o ikwento para ikalat at malaman ng buong tao.
sa tingin ko, walang taong hindi, hindi sinasadyang magkwento sa isang tao.
halimbawa, may dalawa kang kaibigan. di mo alam na may samaan pala sila ng loob,
ng lumapit sayo ang isa at nagsabi ng saloobin. binalaan ka pang huwag sabihin sa isa mo pang kaibigan ang mga nasabi niya. ano ang gagawin mo? (marahil at malamang ay di mo nga sasabihin dba?)
pero isipin mo nalang, kung ayaw niyang ipasabi sa isa mo pang kaibigan ang saloobin niya,
sa simula pa lang ay di na dapat siya nagbitiw pa ng kung anu'anumang salita,
dahil balaan ka man niya o hindi, ay ganoon naman talaga nag pakay niya.
----ang sabihin sa kaibigan mo ang saloobin niya, dahil di niya kayang siya ang magsabi dito.


madalas sa mga kaibigan ko ang ganoong pag'uugali. at dahil sa nasa'isip ko ang ganoong "taktika",
maaring sabihin ko o di sabihin ang nasabing sekreto. minsan kasi, sinusukan ka lang din ng kaibigan mo ang katapatan mo sa kanya. na sa tingin ko ay ayos lang naman at walang malisya.


ikaw? di mo ba naisip na ginagamit ka lang niya para magbati sila?

Linger

What else can I say about this lady in disguise. 
I guess she was mesmerized
by the so-called love so sweet and spice.
In every thing I do, she acts it from the clues
In every word that I say, she utters like I'm no play

For what is the beauty that she has for when she shows what she had from the past.
Heartaches. Lies. Burning pains she might have come from far.
Please stop the drama, little stinky , you are now empty in his heart.

I pity those who say, nothing changes the first deep heartbreak
then I would rather say, nothing stops me, till you, that I break?

From you I've known a lot that people change but not you, Bitter
peanut butter paste, no such thing you'd make it better.

A lot like love. A lot like hate.
How can people swear, "I will wait"
A lot like you, A lot like faith
Cut those tangles, there's too much to wait.

I am no classy, as you are so bossy
no such thing as thinkerbelly,
Well, pardon me for I am late,
in saying these words, I hope you are with grate.

Boys Wish Girls Knew

1. We aren't mind readers
2. We aren't to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
4. It never hurts to work out
5. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask.
6. "FINE" or "WHATEVER" is never an appropriate ending to a conversation.
7. Don't expect us to say so many sweet things as in the movies. (it takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts.)
8. Only models are able to wear most of the stuffs you see in fashion magazines.
9. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
10. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you mat enjoy, just let us know
11. If we're not getting love we'll start looking... (haha. kidding. psyche. we're dead serious)
12. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice an inch missing.
13. We don't mind going to gay movies with you but don't tell our friends.
14.  You can't hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or "old yeller"
15.  "the game is on" is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
16. You're probably not as funny as you think.
17. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if i hear one more girl say "he's so hot" he may have to die.
18.  Cooking makes a girl that much more especially if she can use a grill.
19.  You can't get mad if we refuse to hook up your ugly friend with on of our friends.
20. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream, also altoids, just don't make your breath fresher.
21. Boy's night outs are sacred events. if we answer questions we could be castrated.
22. 99.5% of the time, we didn't mean to hurt you.

- This is a re-post and I wanted to add some things for that.

1. Computer games really are boys' next girl. Don't let them choose between you or their screens.
2.  Boys aren't carts to hold all your shopping bags.
3.  Boys insist in paying the bills, but if you resist, go. They don't want an argument from that.
4. They really care about what you wear, and they are serious when they want you to change your sleeveless top and skirts.
5. Turn offs: hard make up (too much foundation, lipstick) they want you as simple as possible, yet chic
6. Bad words are really big no no
7. Gossip girls
8. Loudspeakers (literally), but they find it cool sometimes, just don't be suicidal
9. And the most undecided situation for boys , is the meet the parents stage. They  really don't know how to react on it.

(laughs)

Phone Beeps for Nothing

Ever lost had your phone out of your sight?

         Is this a paranoid thing of having it out of my sight just for a sec or two? What's in it that people do crave of having it as one of the basic needs then? Even searching for the latest models, with so many features when in it is a communication gadget, yet, appears like it is really addicting. People are people, they say. I guess it's a human nature that in fear of being out from others, many keep their mobile phones on all the time, everywhere, like on every walks, or every talks, in classrooms, in the garden, in church, or in the bathroom (wonder how one manages texting while taking a bath? wow.) true and striking thing is, when one does not receive any new message on their phones, there starts the paranoia, the uneasiness, irritability, thoughts like "nobody loves me, huhuhuhu" ... funny funny. But that's what's actually happening now a days. This uneasiness impels them to answer all incoming text messages immediately, which is... often not necessary.

            Greetings of good mornings and good nights, sweet dreams, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. I guess this are top messages sent now a days. And the never ending boys' thing when courting. Really disappointing that many depended on this. 

Girls, if you think it's right to let one court you that easy. Please, stop it. Move on.

             Another top rating event in text networking. The term "group message" or GM. How does this make a sense? I'll raise a hand for that. GM or "group messaging" was also my thing. Back from my junior years, I really can't resist of flooding messages, especially "call-center-days". (i mean unlimited calls and texts). That was a really a wow and a "cool" thing for the many. Especially for tweens and teens. It was like, telling everybody what you're into, that moment, quotations (that you are actually,and "secretly" pointing into someone, right? hussshh), that was actually the means of Im-bored-please-reply, or hey-you-interesting person i like-message-me, the more more reasons that is really something in denying yet true.

            From there, I thought of it seriously that "hey, this isn't working, it does nothing but a minus in my credits for the load and time for my other things." I'm not growing. There, I realized that time is really a precious thing. I started to lessen the messaging. And I did.

              Just this Holy week, as my way of fasting, I thought of keeping my phone in my bag for that whole week and forget about it and everything on it. I have done so many things then, I used to spend more personal talks with my siblings and cousins. I became productive. I have finished the book I started. I managed to practice my spatial skills. It really is more productive to do things personally. Right, and no doubt , surely, you will be more satisfied with life. And now, I am back. I brought out my phone. Manages to keep in touch with my friends, update things, and off. I guess, it won't affect the affection we have anyway if i'd be sometime... MIA (Missing In Action)... Right?

Talk Show Script: Gays and Lesbians

Here's a short sript ofour talk show entitled:

HALL OF SHAME
(FACE YOUR FAME)

Special Guests of the in-betweens:


The Gays

• The successful one
• The Comedian
• One who has a conflict with his family
• A not-so-obvious policeman

The Lesb

• A bisexual, who has a girl and boy at the same time
• A rape victim
• The successful businesswoman
• The faithful muslim

Others:

• Nun
• Sociologist

Start

Good Morning!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
AND THE IN BETWEEN. (applause!)


Here we are now on our special episode of our show.


Hosts:  i am josephine uy aka JOSAH
and i am alyssa salazar aka LYSSAHH


lysa- josah, you ever wonder of your identity, or should i say, your sexual preference?


josa- actually, i always think of that. you know, those gays along the bars, the metrosexuals,
the same sex relationships, it's like. wow, what if me and alyssa had that thing??
you knoww..


josa and lyssa - EEWWWW! (laughs)


josa- enough for that dear, let's not delay this much. from what we were talking about earlier,
you guys may already have your ideas about our topic for this day,


lysa- right right right, you are right, i know some of you are excited for this,...
HOMOSEXUALS, WHAT ABOUT THEM?


clap clap clap


intro the guests
hosts:
actually, we have grouped them earlier, the gays...
and the lesbians,
STRAIGHT to the point.


1st; successful gay
a multi'tasking working graduate from UP,
and is now taking another course in FEU,
ivan joseph velasco aka ivy


2nd: comedian
the famous comedian, who would ever forget


3rd :family gay
a family man, back from his past,




4th: police
SPO atapang diurungan


lesb:


1st: bi
maybe single but available.
that's how she sees herself,




2nd: rapevic


3rd: succesful lesb
business woman of the year,
an archi and an artist of the year
and best of all, she got the best in
tuxedo outfit of the year (etchos lang. wla nko maisip eh. haha)


4th: muslim
a muslim citizen from ARMM


with special guests:
sister ruth from the pink sisters
sociologist


host:
ok, now. let's start. first thing, homosexuals...
where did they come from?


questions:
for gays.
what made you "you"?


successful gay-
it was like genetically transferred,that my ancestors have made me this. from the past that i was maltreated by my father,abused by my guy classmates from my highschool, been rejected by the people i admire. from all of that, it came up on me that i have to do something. something that people would stop discriminating my league. and here i am, proud and gay to be gay.


comedian
wow!that's a great drama my dear. but me, it was one day when i thought of killing myself. not because i look like this but because i was rejected by the girl i courted for years! i was a straight guy, normal, but after that girl who turned me down, whew! fine, there are lots of boys out there anyway, right?


rapevic lesbi
sometimes, you really dont have to please anybody just for that person to love you back. you don't have to alter. and, we, dont have to be bitter about these people who made our life miserable. their life might be as well, be so bittered by other people anyway.


socio
excuse me, i guess. it's not about the people around you. "Don't assume I'm straight" Often bisexuals are seen as being in a "fence sitting" transition phase.This is often blamed on confusion about their own identity ,or denial of their true sexual orientation because they are afraid to come out or unable to choose.


bi
i got your point, but that doesnt mean much like we're all confused about our own self. we, or personally, i, admit that it is my choice to be a lesbian. it's not showing that i've quitted to be a woman, but i wanted to show that my appearance physically has this masculinity, who can do what a normal man can.




host
so it was like an ego in you? is that what you mean?


famgay


not really, sometimes, it's about where you came from, your family. the environment you used to live. the people around you are really the main reason of your "being you" now. i am saying this for i've been there. my dad never believed me whenever i say im straight, he thinks im too feminine. he said i was soo obvious because of my gay friends, duh! they may be gays but i can be different, i just enjoy their company, but im straight, but dad insisted, so fine. i am gay. fine. since then, i really joined my friends league, for life.


police
hahaha. nice one bro. good for you men. obviously, i am a policeman. on this coat.
feared by many because of my manly look. my deep masculinity, with great strenght. these killer eyes. look.
but that's not it.i also have my weakness, and i found it out so fast and no doubt. he passed by the window, from there.
he smiled at me. i was stunned. and i said... "wow, is this love?" and we live together now, i know it's awkward but, when it comes to that term "el ow vi ee", impossible is a no.


host
wew. that really is love. i guess, but wasnt there a reason like you guys became what you are now because of your principles in life??


BI
i guess, that's about me.it came up to me that why be a sexist if we are all human beings? i may look like just this but hey, you don't really know what i can do. i guess, its about those boys that thinks of us women as weak. now, i have my girlfriend that i have courted for years. i know what a girl wants, and soo i know what i must and must not do, that's actuali an advantage for us homos, but i also have my boyfrnd. i dont know, but i feel like so manly if i have two.(like other men think) one for love and the other for play. boys will be boys, as they have said. i agree, but they also have to consider that girls can be boys too!


rapevic


hoho. mine was soo tragic. my past changed the whole of me. that boy ruined my life, my femininity! he abused me. he got my only treasure. one day, he approached me, asking for my forgiveness, of course. knowing that he is the reason for this, i punched him, and gave that pain he gave me. he should have not done that, since then, i felt like being one of them. the traits passed on me. manly, wow, like that girl next door was now the boy next door.


hosts:
it's as if our guests really had bitter pasts. from family, to clasmmates, to boys and girls and so of that. mostly, from the people they loved, and like, almost all of it are from love dillemas.hmm. but that is not where everything starts and
ends. it's in our society, actually.


*discrimination


how does one from your league survive in this society?


succesful lesbi
-Everyone, regardless of race, status, sex or sexual preference, are indiscriminately welcome in our society. so what kung lesbian ako, at bading siya. we are all human beings. united by one blood. i admit, being one of us is really difficult. people would go staring at you as if you were so far and a total alien. as if you have no right no enter such establishments or walk in to the isle of the church. they always judge us with how we look and not for what we really do for our society. come to think of this, the people whom we think wouldnt do good in our society are actually those who give much good name. it's not about the physical appearance, it's about what we do about others, specifically, the right thngs. positive!


- muslim
if only i can show up, and tell everyone that i am a lesbian. there would be no problem at all. and i wont be on this show. but it's the freedom to speak up. regardless of my religion, still im on this. even if, i have my wife, and two kids. i never thought of it. for my wife is even the one who supports me in whatever i do. as in whatever.


- nun
did you just say wife and two kids? there is a bill, which penalizes a broad range of human rights violations against lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgenders, that is obviously considered as “morally reprehensible.”. protecting lesbians and gays from discrimination is like extending support for pedophiles.


- comedian
what about that? isnt love conquers everything? it does! as in everything.


- successful gay
and what i know is, The deeper and more profound reason prohibiting same-sex marriages is based on the impossibility of reproduction rather than on invidious discrimination on account of sex or sexual preference. right?


- nun


but still, It must be noted that even under the Family Code of the Philippines, Articles 2 and 5 thereof allow a marriage only between a male and a female. As a matter of fact, Articles 45(3) and 55(6) of the same law even provide that lesbianism and homosexuality are grounds for annulment and legal separation, respectively.


- socio
and prior to that, would it be nice seeing two same gendered individual walking along the streets, holding hands, or publicly showing affection with each other. what would be the tourists' impression about our country then, how would they respect our culture if that is what they see in general,


- BI


right,but you must not take it generally, not all gays and lesbians act the same way. as he have said earlier, it depends to from what kind of environment was one used to be. we have the educated and the uneducated of course, and it's by choice. even if we want to clean our reputation as homos, we cant, we cant rule them all. the only part of the society is, to respect us, so there would be no conflict, discrimination is never a way to stand out in our society. never.


- socio
you are saying then that people discriminate your league because they want to rule, to stand out, to be dominant?
nah-uh. i dis-agree, people actually arent aware of that. it's like a human nature that automatically reacts on to what they think is abnormanl, or is beyond the normal. can you say that it is normal to see two guys holding hands, or love-making? i dont think so.


- muslim
and would that also be the reason why christians always look so differently on us, muslims? would there be a point that religion be an exemption. i always wonder, im also a human, my friends that are also like this, them, us, you think it is fair to be maltreated by our society just because we are not like them?


- rapevic
and that made me think now, you are right my friend. people always think we are so different from them, that whenever we pass by in front of them, they make a distance away from us, it's like hey hey, what do you of yourself, NORMAL?


- succesful lesbi
i know what you mean by that, in this society, everyone. regardless of sex or age, is abnormal, i mean, there no such thing as usual for now, people do things that actually makes them diffrent from the others, why alter,


-hosts
ok ok, i think it's getting hot in here. smile.
- right, so lets move on to our final question,




* dear guests, what do you think of yourselves now that you are here and showing the whole world that you are gays and lesbians?


start with?


successful gay


i have heard enough. mostly negative about our league. but that didnt stop me from aiming higher and dreaming big. not really that big but just right for what i can. you know, its not about the gender but the capability of one to do things on their own.


police


in addition to that, one's position is never a barrier to dream big. it is also not a reason to hide from your shell. i may look like this, strong-willed, powerful, but never, and never did i ever used these things to hurt other people. i love my job, for whatever i am now, i am still a policeman you can trust. being gay is not being weak anyway.


muslim


i do respect others, for what and who they are. i came out here to reveal who i really am. at first, i was really doubtful, but my wife just said "go on dear, we are just here. supporting you for all the things you are into." family, that's what's important.


famgay


right, your family is your home. i cant deny that, but not all families live happilly. some just ignore you and rejects you. think that you are non sense and a big pest to their home. they would rather wish you were dead. but you must not take that forever, enough is enough. it will always be your choice, and i chose to be a normal individual, though gay and not straight, i still have my true friends and myself, of course.


rapevic
just a phrase, proud to be a "FILIPINO" (smiles)


succesful lesbi
isnt that the other show's name? (laugh) anyway, il make it short. i am me, a woman in disguise. fears none of the authority, i work for my living, and that's it. i care not to gossips around me.


comedian
gossip girl, is that what you mean? haha, well. you're definitly right sis, and in fact, if you are talked about, be proud, that just means you are pretty interesting. look at me, proud and gay. my family rejected me, that girl dumped me, those boys played on me, yet. im still here, im even on tv. who needs them anyway, i live a happy life now. what actually is important is the present and the people around you who makes you smile and the people of course that i've touched and have given a smile. that's my role, to make other people happy, that's why im'a gay. :D


BI
- pretty positive for that! (high fives!) just this, baby, i know you are watching now. i hope our love to last. and to my boyfriend.... now you know, how's it like to be played on? see, ive warned you, i even told you about this, but you thought i was just kidding, well you are wrong. people, everyone, listen. i came out not to be an influence that girls must play on games. i showed up, to give a message to my fellow men, that it isnt a good idea to degrade my league. it is a do or else....


hosts:
hwow, now that's hot. thank you ladies and gentlemen and in betweens. and to our special guests, mr. _________________
and ms. ___________________


before closing this show, we would like to thank .......






thank you for viewing, dont forget. love conquers everything.everyone regardless of race, sexual preference, or status are beings. humans. and to stand out, FACE YOUR FAME HERE ON, JOSA..... AND LYSSA'S... HALL OF SHAME.






*ok. so how did i get this?
i honestly dont know. these lines, just popped up. then i just have to type it straight. quick (because of the deadline). augh. but hey, when i read it with my group..
wow. i just laughed out loud that, was i really the one who made this?? but, knowing that im'a kind of'a feminist. the words. lines. are really so much of me. no doubt. it's my piece.

MCDOnalds' super size me

"Super Size Me"

            The documentary got it all for us, especially the youth. It showed what would happen to a person who'd have super size meals from McDonalds, three times a day for 30 days. That was really a "wow". What Spurlock did was really devastating. Horrifying. For Asians like us, we still try to fit in with our daily diet, but for Americans, there's this thing that really can't resist themselves from these fast food chains, which, i really wonder about. is this really by their nature or the plain American culture?


             Can one just imagine himself, living his life with just burgers and fries, burgers and fries, burgers and fries, burgers and fries, and burgers and fries to the nth time. I may say, it is acceptable if one makes it for it's all he has to do. He's got no choice but to eat on a fast food to save time. But i don't think it would be excusable to say, it's already their way of living. It is not to save time ALWAYS and almost everyday that you have to drive-thru McDonalds to take out a burger with you for breakfast..... lunch.... dinner.. and'a snacks! that really is a BIG NO NO.


             Eating on fast food chains, may be an addiction that once you put yourself on it, you'll often go on to eat it in increasing quantities for the rest of your life. We all know that obesity is epidemic that parents should be alarmed about. That as much as possible, not to spoil their children with this hamburgers and fries. Sometimes, advertisements are really powerful about this but actually are so wrong. But what can we do about it, it is business.


            This documentary movie gave us this cautionary insight on how fast food chains come to dominate and serve us like deprived. This is already giving us a caution. And think twice about our diet. It's not bad to indulge yourself from these American foods, but it will be when you start your day with these meals, everyday. Make up with this, it's a suicide.

Love Fallacy

             I am a not-so-ordinary-college-student. And I know that as time goes by, I'll be encountering deceiving problems. Not of one girl waiting for things be settled on their own. mumbling, just in one corner then sigh. It's not so me. Yet it is not enough to know how to reason correctly. It is, actually, necessary to be able to spot poor reasoning, and, more importantly, to understand it. yes, indeed. I am fond of spotting one's mistake. Not really to make fun of it but to correct it. And, that's annoying for them. Yet, I care less about that. It's my way of socializing.

 I'd just like to share this story, i really fell in love with. It was actually in paired with my life.. - a tragic comedy. Please read carefully. Enjoy Reading! 

Title: Fallacy

Cool was I and logical. Keen, calculating, perspicacious, acute and astute-I was all of these. My brain was as powerful as a dynamo, as precise as a chemist's scales, as penetrating as a scalpel. And - think of it! - I was only eighteen.

It is not often that one so young has such a giant intellect. Take for example, Petey Butch, my roommate at the University of Minnesota. Same age, same background, but dumb as an ox. A nice enough fellow, you understand, but nothing upstairs. Emotional type. Unstable. Impressionable. Worst of all, a faddist. Fads, I submit, are the very negation of reason. To be swept up in every new craze that comes along, to surrender yourself to idiocy just because everybody else is doing it-this, to me, is the acme of mindlessness. Not, however, to Petey.

One afternoon I found Petey lying on his bed with an expression of such distress on his face that I immediately diagnosed appendicitis. "Don't move." I said. "Don't take a laxative. I'll get a doctor."

"Raccoon," he mumbled thickly.

"Raccoon?" I said, pausing in my flight.

"I want a raccoon coat," he wailed.

I perceived that his trouble was not physical, but mental. "Why do you want a raccoon coat?"

"I should have known it," he cried, pounding his temples. "I should have known they'd come back when the Charleston came back. Like a fool I spent all my money for textbooks, and now I can't get a raccoon coat."

"Can you mean," I said incredulously, "that people are actually wearing raccoon coats again?"

"All the Big Men on Campus are wearing them. Where have you been?"

"In the library," I said, naming a place not frequented by Big Men on Campus.

He leaped from the bed and paced the room. "I've got to have a raccoon coat," he said passionately. "I've got to!"

"Petey, why? Look at it rationally. Raccoon coats are unsanitary. They shed. They smell bad. They weigh too much. They're unsightly. They-"

"You don't understand," he interrupted impatiently. "It's the thing to do. Don't you want to be in the swim?"

"No," I said truthfully.

"Well, I do," he declared. "I'd give anything for a raccoon coat. Anything!"

My brain, that precision instrument, slipped into high gear. "Anything?" I asked, looking at him narrowly.

"Anything," he affirmed in ringing tones.

I stroked my chin thoughtfully. It so happened that I knew where to get my hands on a raccoon coat. My father had had one in his undergraduate days; it lay now in a trunk in the attic back home. It also happened that Petey had something I wanted. He didn't have it exactly, but at least he had first rights on it. I refer to his girl. Polly Espy.

I had long coveted Polly Espy. Let me emphasize that my desire for this young woman was not emotional in nature. She was, to be sure, a girl who excited the emotions, but I was not one to let my heart rule my head. I wanted Polly for a shrewdly calculated, entirely cerebral reason.

I was a freshman in law school. In a few years I would be out in practice. I was well aware of the importance of the right kind of wife in furthering a lawyer's career. The successful lawyers I had observed were, almost without exception, married to beautiful, gracious, intelligent women. With one omission, Polly fitted these specifications perfectly.

Beautiful she was. She was not yet of pin-up proportions, but I felt sure that time would supply the lack. She already had the makings.

Gracious she was. By gracious I mean full of graces. She had an erectness of carriage, an ease of bearing, a poise that clearly indicated the best of breeding. At table her manners were exquisite. I had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house - a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast, gravy chopped nuts, and a dipper of sauerkraut - without even getting her fingers moist.

Intelligent she was not. In fact, she veered in the opposite direction. But I believed that under my guidance she would smarten up. At any rate, it was worth a try. It is, after all, easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an ugly smart girl beautiful.

"Petey," I said, "are you in love with Polly Espy?"

"I think she's a keen kid," he replied, "but I don't know if you'd call it love. Why?"

"Do you," I asked, "have any kind of formal arrangement with her? I mean are you going steady or anything like that?"

"No. We see each other quite a bit, but we both have other dates. Why?"

"Is there," I asked, "any other man for whom she has a particular fondness?"

"Not that I know of. Why?"

I nodded with satisfaction. "In other words, if you were out of the picture, the field would be open. Is that right?"

"I guess so. What are you getting at?"

"Nothing, nothing," I said innocently, and took my suitcase out of the closet.

"Where are you going?" asked Petey.

"Home for the weekend." I threw a few things into the bag.

"Listen," he said, clutching my arm eagerly. "While you're home, you couldn't get some money from your old man, could you, and lend it to me so I can buy a raccoon coat?"

"I may do better than that," I said with a mysterious wink and closed my bag and left.

"Look," I said to Petey when I got back Monday morning. I threw open the suitcase and revealed the huge, hairy, gamy object that my father had worn in his Stutz Bearcat in 1925.

[The Stutz Bearcat was an expensive sports car, very popular in the 1920s.]

"Holy Toledo!" said Petey reverently. He plunged his hands into the raccoon coat and then his face. "Holy Toledo," he repeated fifteen or twenty times.

"Would you like it?" I asked.

"Oh yes!" he cried, clutching the greasy pelt to him. Then a canny look came into his eyes. "What do you want for it?"

"Your girl," I said, mincing no words.

"Polly?" he said in a horrified whisper. "You want Polly?"

"That's right."

He flung the coat from him. "Never," he said stoutly.

I shrugged. "Okay. If you don't want to be in the swim, I guess it's your business."

I sat down in a chair and pretended to read a book, but out of the corner of my eye I kept watching Petey. He was a torn man. First he looked at the coat with the expression of a waif at a baker's window. Then he turned away and set his jaw resolutely. Then he looked back at the coat, with even more longing in his face. Then he turned away, but with not so much resolution this time. Back and forth his head swiveled, desire waxing, resolution waning. Finally he didn't turn away at all; he just stood and stared with mad lust at the coat.

"It isn't as though I was in love with Polly," he said thickly. "Or going steady or anything like that."

"That's right," I murmured.

"What's Polly to me, or me to Polly?"

"Not a thing," said I.

"It's just been a causal kick-just a few laughs, that's all."

"Try on the coat," said I.

He complied. The coat bunched high over his ears and dropped all the way down to his shoe tops. He looked like a mound of dead raccoons. "Fits fine," he said happily.

I rose from my chair. "Is it a deal?" I asked, extending my hand. He swallowed. "It's a deal," he said and shook my hand.

I had my first date with Polly the following evening. This was in the nature of a survey; I wanted to find out just how much work I had to do to get her mind up to the standard I required. I took her first to dinner. "Gee, that was a delish dinner," she said as we left the restaurant. Then I took her to a movie. "Gee, that was a marvy movie," she said as we left the theater. And then I took her home. "Gee, I had a sensaysh time," she said as she bade me good night.

I went back to my room with a heavy heart. I had gravely underestimated the size of my task. This girl's lack of information was terrifying. Nor would it be enough merely to supply her with information. First she had to be taught to think. This loomed as a project of no small dimensions, and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey. But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she handled a knife and fork, and I decided to make an effort.

I went about it, as in all things, systematically. I gave her a course in logic. It happened that I, as a law student, was taking a course in logic myself, so I had all the facts at my finger tips. "Polly," I said to her when I picked her up on the next date, "tonight we are going over to the knoll and talk."

"Oo, terrif," she replied. One thing I will say for this girl: you would go far to find another so agreeable.

We went to the Knoll, the campus trysting place, and we sat down under an old oak, and she looked at me expectantly. "What are we going to talk about?" she asked.

"Logic."

She thought this over for a minute and decided she liked it. "Magnif," she said.

"Logic," I said, clearing my throat, "is the science of thinking. Before we can think correctly, we must first learn to recognize the common fallacies of logic. These we will take up tonight."

"Wow-dow!" she cried, clapping her hands delightedly.

I winced, but went bravely on. "First let us examine the fallacy called Dicto Simpliciter."

"By all means," she urged, batting her lashes eagerly.

"Dicto Simpliciter means an argument based on an unqualified generalization. For example: Exercise is good. Therefore everybody should exercise."

" I agree" said Polly earnestly. "I mean exercise is wonderful. I mean it builds the body and everything."

"Polly," I said gently, "the argument is a fallacy. Exercise is good is an unqualified generalization. For instance, if you have heart disease, exercise is bad, not good. Many people are ordered by their doctors not to exercise. You must qualify the generalization. You must say exercise is usually good, or exercise is good for most people. Otherwise you have committed a Dicto Simpliciter. Do you see?"

"No." she confessed. "But this is marvy. Do more! Do more!"

"It will be better if you stop tugging at my sleeve," I told her, and when she desisted, I continued. "Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty Generalization. Listen carefully: You can't speak French. I can't speak French. Petey Burch can't speak French. I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French."

"Really?" said Polly, amazed. "Nobody?"

I hid my exasperation. "Polly, it's a fallacy. The generalization is reached too hastily. There are too few instances to support such a conclusion."

"Know any more fallacies?" she asked breathlessly. "This is more fun than dancing even."

I fought off a wave of despair. I was getting nowhere with this girl, absolutely nowhere. Still, I am nothing if not persistent. I continued. "Next comes post Hoc. Listen to this: Let's not take Bill on our picnic. Every time we take him out with us, it rains."

"I know somebody just like that," she exclaimed. "A girl back home - Eula Becker, her name is. It never fails. Every single time we take her on a picnic-."

"Polly," I said sharply, "It's a fallacy. Eula Becker doesn't cause the rain. She has no connection with the rain. You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Eula Becker."

"I'll never do it again," she promised contritely. "Are you mad at me?"

I sighed deeply. "No , Polly, I'm not mad."

"Then tell me some more fallacies."

"All right. Let's try Contradictory Premises."

"Yes, let's," she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.

I frowned, but plunged ahead. "Here's an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can do anything, can he make a stone so heavy that He won't be able to lift it?"

"Of course," she replied promptly.

"But if He can do anything, he can lift the stone," I pointed out.

"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Well, then I guess He can't make the stone."

"But He can do anything." I reminded her.

She scratched her pretty, empty head. "I'm all confused," she admitted.

"Of course you are. Because when the premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument. If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object. If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresistible force. Get it?"

"Tell me some more of this keen stuff," she said eagerly.

I consulted my watch. "I think we'd better call it a night. I'll take you home now, and you go over all the things you've learned. We'll have another session tomorrow night."

I deposited her at the girls' dormitory, where she assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening, and I went glumly home to my room. Petey lay snoring in his bed, the raccoon coat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet. For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back. It seemed clear that my project was doomed to failure. The girl simply had a logic-proof head.

But the I reconsidered. I had wasted one evening: I might as well waste another. Who knew? Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind, a few embers still smoldered. Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame. Admittedly it was not a prospect fraught with hope, but I decided to give it one more try.

Seated under the oak the next evening I said, "Our first fallacy tonight is called Ad Misericordiam."

She quivered with delight.

"Listen closely," I said. "A man applies for a job. When the boss asks him what his qualifications are, he replies that he has a wife and six children at home, the wife is a helpless cripple, the children have nothing to eat, no clothes to wear, no shoes on their feet, there are no beds in the house, no coal in the cellar, and winter is coming."

A tear rolled down each of Polly's pink cheeks. "Oh, this is awful, awful," she sobbed.

"Yes, it's awful," I agreed, "but it's no argument. The man never answered the boss's question about his qualifications. Instead he appealed to the boss's sympathy. He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam. Do you understand?"

"Have you got a handkerchief?" she blubbered.

I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes. "Next," I said in a carefully controlled tone, "we will discuss False Analogy. Here is an example: Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations. After all, surgeons have X-rays to guide them during an operation, lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial, carpenters have no blueprints to guide them when they are building a house. Why, then, shouldn't students be allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?"

"There now," she said enthusiastically, "is the most marvy idea I've heard in years."

"Polly," I said testily, "the argument is all wrong. Doctors, lawyers, and carpenters aren't taking a test to see how much they have learned, but students are. The situations are altogether different, and you can't make an analogy between them."

"I still think it's a good idea," said Polly.

"Nuts," I muttered. Doggedly I pressed on. "Next we'll try Hypothesis Contrary to Fact."

"Sounds yummy," was Polly's reaction. "Listen: If Madame Curie had not happened to leave a photographic plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende, the world today would not know about radium."

"True, true," said Polly, nodding her head. "Did you see the movie? Oh, it just knocked me out. That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy. I mean he fractures me."

"If you can forget Mr. Pidgeon for a moment," I said coldly. "I would like to point out that the statement is a fallacy. Maybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date. Maybe somebody else would have discovered it. Maybe any number of things would have happened. You can't start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusions from it."

"They ought to put Walter Pidgeon in more pictures," said Polly. "I hardly ever see him any more."

One more chance, I decided. But just one more. There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear. "The next fallacy is called Poisoning the Well."

"How cute!" she gurgled.

"Two men are having a debate. The first one gets up and says, 'My opponent is a notorious liar. You can't believe a word that he is going to say' . . . Now, Polly, think. Think hard. What's wrong?"

I watched her closely as she knit her creamy brow in concentration. Suddenly a glimmer of intelligence - the first I had seen - came into her eyes. "It's not fair," she said with indignation. "It's not a bit fair. What chance has the second man got if the first man calls him a liar before he even begins talking?"

"Right!" I cried exultantly. "One hundred percent right. It's not fair. The first man has poisoned the well before anybody could drink from it. He has hamstrung his opponent before he could even start . . . . Polly I'm proud of you."

"Pshaw," she murmured, blushing with pleasure.

"You see, my dear, these things aren't so hard. All you have to do is concentrate. Think - - examine - - evaluate. Come now, let's review everything we have learned."

"Fire away," she said with an airy wave of her hand.

Heartened by the knowledge that Polly was not altogether a cretin, I began a long, patient review of all I had told her. Over and over and over again I cited instances, pointed out flaws, kept hammering away without let up. It was like digging a tunnel. At first everything was work, sweat, and darkness. I had no idea when I would reach the light, or even if I would. But I persisted. I pounded and clawed and scraped, and finally I was rewarded. I saw a chink of light. And then the chink got bigger and the sun came pouring in and all was bright.

Five grueling nights this took, but it was worth it. I had made a logician out of Polly; I had taught her to think. My job was done. She was worthy of me at last. She was a fit wife for me, a proper hostess for my many mansions, a suitable mother for my well-heeled children.

It must not be thought that I was without love for this girl. Quite the contrary. Just as Pygmalion loved the perfect woman he had fashioned, so I loved mine. I determined to acquaint her with my feelings at our very next meeting. The time had come to change our relationship from academic to romantic.

"Polly," I said when next we sat beneath our oak, "tonight we will not discuss fallacies."

"Aw, gee," she said, disappointed.

"My dear," I said, favoring her with a smile, "we have now spent five evenings together. We have gotten along splendidly. It is clear that we are well matched."

"Hasty Generalization," said Polly brightly.

"I beg your pardon," said I.

"Hasty Generalization," she repeated. "How can you say that we are well matched on the basis of only five dates?"

I chuckled with amusement. The dear child had learned her lessons well. "My dear," I said, patting her hand in a tolerant manner, "five dates is plenty. After all, you don't have to eat a whole cake to know that it's good."

"False Analogy," said Polly promptly. "I'm not a cake. I'm a girl."

I chuckled with somewhat less amusement. The dear child had learned her lessons perhaps too well. I decided to change tactics. Obviously the best approach was a simple, strong, direct declaration of love. I paused for a moment while my massive brain chose the proper words. Then I began:

"Polly, I love you. You are the whole world to me, and the moon, and the stars and the constellations of outer space. Please, my darling, say that you will go steady with me, for if you will not, life will be meaningless. I will languish. I will refuse my meals. I will wander the face of the earth, a shambling, hollow-eyed hulk."

There, I thought, folding my arms, that ought to do it.

"Ad Misericordiam," said Polly.

I ground my teeth. I was not Pygmalion; I was Frankenstein, and my monster had me by the throat. Frantically I fought back the tide of panic surging through me. At all costs I had to keep cool.

"Well, Polly," I said, forcing a smile, "you certainly have learned your fallacies."

"You're darn right," she said with a vigorous nod.

"And who taught them to you, Polly?"

"You did."

"That's right. So you do owe me something, don't you, my dear? If I hadn't come along you never would have learned about fallacies."

"Hypothesis Contrary to Fact," she said instantly.

I dashed perspiration from my brow. "Polly," I croaked, "you mustn't take all these things so literally. I mean this is just classroom stuff. You know that things you learn in school don't have anything to do with life."

"Dicto Simpliciter," she said, wagging her finger at me playfully. That did it. I leaped to my feet, bellowing like a bull. "Will you or will you not go steady with me?"

"I will not," she replied.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because this afternoon I promised Petey Burch that I would go steady with him."

I reeled back, overcome with the infamy of it. After he promised, after he made a deal, after he shook my hand! "The rat!" I shrieked, kicking up great chunks of turf. "You can't go with him, Polly. He's a liar. He's a cheat. He's a rat."

"Poisoning the Well" said Polly, "and stop shouting. I think shouting must be a fallacy too."

With an immense effort of will, I modulated my voice. "All right," I said. "You're a logician. Let's look at this thing logically. How could you choose Petey Burch over me? Look at me - - a brilliant student, a tremendous intellectual, a man with an assured future. Look at Pete -- a knothead, a jitterbug, a guy who'll never know where his next meal is coming from. Can you give me one logical reason why you should go steady with Petey Burch?"

"I certainly can," declared Polly. "He's got a raccoon coat."

THE END