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physically or emotionally. a joker. maybe. a pacifier. at times. and... usually make the issues, people don't notice much.


  • Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas
  • Solitaire Mystery
  • Veronica Decides to Die
  • The Best Laid Plans


April 08, 2008

My Heroine

          I hate to see you with her. The closeness you both share. I soo hate to see! The smiles. Kisses. Hugs! Damn it! I hate the day I met you. The first day I told myself that it’s you..”I like!” knowing, that was a no no for being into a relationship, a relationship maybe, it’s you who broke. Yes. You messed up with our relationship. And so I decided to end it up for us. Maybe for that thing happening between us. I am not so into you, and I know you’re of the same thing and that’s what I hate about us, and me for allowing you to enter my life.

          Remember the night we both shared our time. Just beeps that made us sleepless. Story telling. It’s a try-getting-to-know-each-other drama. That gave me the idea that you really are into me that moment. We didn’t stop the conversation till I realized that you really have to sleep even just for 2-3 hours for your class that day. And soo, a goodmornight kiss and hug I gave to you.. even just for a thought of beep.

         You told me you’re not into any girl’s heart. But a fool would only believe you for that. And so I doubt, and the evidence I found was so clear that I almost broke my fingers because of anger. You have a girlfriend! I almost cried but it’s a no no again.

        Then, I acted as if there’s nothing I saw and knew about you. It’s like telling myself that, I am into somebody’s heart too and so I have no right to you, and  for you... i must be nothing but a past time!

           Yet, you told me you want me. I know I also do. But it must not be. It was just a simple infatuation.. or ‘stupidity’ in general term. But, I still confessed my attraction  to you. And there, the tragic scenes followed. We've been given the chance to know more about us. Personally. Yes, personally. We sat together, no seat apart. I looked at you. Simple glances that i might know what you're thinking about me really. Yet, I failed. That day, never did i think that we'll be talking that much. That we'll be seating together, eat, fool around and sleep together with friends. Then I felt something.. something i didn't even think you'll do.

         Then the next day, i found myself wondering about how should I feel about that thing. I thought it’s something of nothing that I don't  have to worry about. But as we continue our thing, my guilt is growing. Weak , I am!

          As of this moment, it seems I’ma goddamn girl who fooled around with you and looking at myself now. I lost the game. I should be happy maybe for the fact that, for so many time, you spent more of it with me, than with your girl. BUT ! should I be happy now for the decision I’ve made. That I have to get over you and be not connected with whatever businesses we both had? Maybe it’s for me to stop thinking of you being with her whenever I look at your pictures together.  Maybe I just have to say thank you for those things. For I just can’t take you now, for being so foolish about your lies. I pity her for not knowing everything about his guy, whom she thought was so faithful with her. Well, then maybe that’s what some people call “trust". I actually don’t have much of that. Because if I do, I must have been in a relationship now. Maybe the guy I had before I met you. But it’s a “NO”… for... maybe the same reason why I have to end everything about “us” ... YES , there is no “us”.. but incidents says there was, there is…

         So long my friend, I told you. I was never drank the time I told you about it... and don’t think I have to be whenever I say something to you … frankly! Your favor? I told you I’ll “try”... but don’t expect… for the next time you’ll see me.. I may not see you… be another stranger who just passed by.