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physically or emotionally. a joker. maybe. a pacifier. at times. and... usually make the issues, people don't notice much.


  • Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas
  • Solitaire Mystery
  • Veronica Decides to Die
  • The Best Laid Plans


September 20, 2009

He's Lost. I Found.

             I just knew a lot of things, that, somehow, maybe, made me think of something negative, again, again and again. I lied for so many times. White lies, yes. Yet, when time played on you. You'd rather wish, you're never meant for such knowing. I thought, it would be right to think positive and think nothing else but the happiness it may give. Think of something that won't turn you down. Something you think you wouldn't regret for. I thought, that would be the last, and he would take care of me. That he would care much if I'd go. That he would stop me from leaving. I thought, he would chase me. That he would rather not have that pride he cared much before he knew me.

           I thought he would think much mature than he was with her. That he would tell me nothing but the truth between them. I thought he loves me more than he did love her. That he won't care much whenever I say I hate her. That I don't want her seeing him without my consent. He may think I'm good and too good for him. That I won't give him the attitude whenever he tells me such meetings with her. But, how many more meet ups will I count that says they are good and soon be going steady? Is that a negative thought again? I doubt. It is positive, in a way that it is too possible to happen.

          For the short period of time that we knew each other, and from the moment he confessed something I thought I can ponder on, honestly and truthfully, I have to say, he is not the man I want that I would like, and I would love to live with forever. He may be the reason for the smiles I wear and have worn. May also be the reason for those heartaches and sighs, plus the headaches and whys'. Every thing he did for me, every actions he did to please me, I know, it's something done for a purpose, not to love me, ever and ever unconditionally, but for a bitter thing he had from his past. It won't be that easy to move on, and be over a bitter break up, but, I don't think it would be right to use and risk something for personal reason.

           I know these things are so unclear, and messed up. Pointing at one thing at a time is not the line of it, but something that would confuse every reader who would dare to read this. I hope, for one day, he would know every little detail inside my mind, I wish he'd be too sensitive to sense it and stop his dramas. For now, and now, will always be the now or never of my words. Seek for something, I wish I'd never find.