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physically or emotionally. a joker. maybe. a pacifier. at times. and... usually make the issues, people don't notice much.


  • Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas
  • Solitaire Mystery
  • Veronica Decides to Die
  • The Best Laid Plans


April 15, 2009

Buckle Up

                I thought of so many things while on our trip far from home. I came to think of my pasts. How did I survived and what challenges are coming. Who would be my next victims and the source of it. Who would give the reason and the caution. How am I to start another "something" and end it? Am I to make it a shorter term or a longer to make it odd than the others? Or, would this really be my game for life? 

              For so many years, just so happened that the people who left me are just aint good for me. Some made me believe that i fell on my own trap. Others became too shallow, that I felt like an immoral mortal for showing them what's supposedly not for them. This face faked a lot of them. And now, a lot of them, maybe, believes more on anybody except me. But I used to do those things to know who'd make the most of me. That's how I accepted it. But would I just let that happen all the time? As in just go with the flow and let them be, and say and expect and whatever? I know there's always a way for my own. I can manage.

             I control what's written and to be written in the book of my life. The question is HOW? I can't always do it however or whatever. It is something I must think about. I am turning 19, and I have to take things more seriously, who said i don't anyway? Well, I do, but again, I just can't get enough. One thing that really made me so of this is the man-of-nothing-but-pride-and-ego. I always consider myself as one of the boys. Especially being with groups of them and turned into one of them. 

                They are nice, very. My boys are nice. Right. They will always be nice when girls are nice too. But that is not a general info I have to state in here. Because I was just referring to my boy-friends. Being with them for years, really changed a lot of me. I became more sociable and have deeper thoughts. I used to think quick and wiser- not really because of them but because of the situations we've been. Till, we've separated our ways for college. I was much in peace, because I know that I can handle things then. But I was wrong. My boys are not-so-far from the so-called men-next-door. A lot of them are so much of what pisses me off and makes me go gaga. They were nice, but would be nicer if you are showing-nice-like, telling them positive about them. May i just use the term "take advantage"? Cause that exactly fits them. Yet, that attitude of these men-next-door, made me wander this far, that I have gone so far like I have reached the outside galaxies for doing so. 

          I have been to so many curves and roads with zig-zags and cliffs and plains and hi-ways and intersections and parking lots and stop over and stop lights because of them. But, one thing I had, that really guided me. The seat-belt. Wherever I go, I used to fasten it for safety. Sometimes, it's not held up, but mostly it's buckled up. Here and there, I came to these important things. Seat-belts really do hold you safely, unless unbuckled. Try it then.