For Nobody

            In every thing little thing I do, there are eyes looking at me. Every step I take, shadows still follow. I heard much about faith, but never the trust. For of all those years that have passed, I learned that a little deed of negative would remain longer or forever in every man's sanity. And there would go the insanity that would trigger much disappointment and anger. Useless is to have one thing in mind, yet cannot be done nor uttered. Useless is the one who cannot speak in spite of pain. For whatever you do, eyes are on you. Whatever you say, ears do play. From these things I've thought, never did I plan to do something. Just for the sake of respect. I speak not. I sneak out neither, I move not much, for the state that no word would be against me. I pray and I am guided. I rest, but i am hated. Yet, I still consider any thing to be one great thing. Trust me, my fellow, I respect you a lot. I intend not to think anything against you, I would go to field, just to defend you from snakes, only some things in my mind that I hope and ask you to pay. Attention is not much what I want from you, but the trust and understanding, that is all I am asking.

He's Lost. I Found.

             I just knew a lot of things, that, somehow, maybe, made me think of something negative, again, again and again. I lied for so many times. White lies, yes. Yet, when time played on you. You'd rather wish, you're never meant for such knowing. I thought, it would be right to think positive and think nothing else but the happiness it may give. Think of something that won't turn you down. Something you think you wouldn't regret for. I thought, that would be the last, and he would take care of me. That he would care much if I'd go. That he would stop me from leaving. I thought, he would chase me. That he would rather not have that pride he cared much before he knew me.

           I thought he would think much mature than he was with her. That he would tell me nothing but the truth between them. I thought he loves me more than he did love her. That he won't care much whenever I say I hate her. That I don't want her seeing him without my consent. He may think I'm good and too good for him. That I won't give him the attitude whenever he tells me such meetings with her. But, how many more meet ups will I count that says they are good and soon be going steady? Is that a negative thought again? I doubt. It is positive, in a way that it is too possible to happen.

          For the short period of time that we knew each other, and from the moment he confessed something I thought I can ponder on, honestly and truthfully, I have to say, he is not the man I want that I would like, and I would love to live with forever. He may be the reason for the smiles I wear and have worn. May also be the reason for those heartaches and sighs, plus the headaches and whys'. Every thing he did for me, every actions he did to please me, I know, it's something done for a purpose, not to love me, ever and ever unconditionally, but for a bitter thing he had from his past. It won't be that easy to move on, and be over a bitter break up, but, I don't think it would be right to use and risk something for personal reason.

           I know these things are so unclear, and messed up. Pointing at one thing at a time is not the line of it, but something that would confuse every reader who would dare to read this. I hope, for one day, he would know every little detail inside my mind, I wish he'd be too sensitive to sense it and stop his dramas. For now, and now, will always be the now or never of my words. Seek for something, I wish I'd never find.

The Freak

              What time is it? Early for my next class, huh. But why am I still up? Wondering maybe. Of some things.

Just a while, that I hated myself for acting so paranoid and bitter,cold and sour, and bitter, and again. Don't know why? What about that creature. She's messed up, and is trying to share it with me. Why don't she do it on her own and not tag us with it. A deviant girl, a psycho, a freak. Is this me or the otherwise? Sorry, but I am not used to calling names, but in this case, PLEASE! bare with me.I have  a lot of things to do, other than messing up with you.Please, stop the drama. Don't try to piss me off.

GOOD NIGHT!

Wander Woman

            Wasted for some things undone. 1, 2, 3 days coming, and counting. I don't exactly know what is yet to be done. I have tried to take a rest, yet nothing is changed. I had that thing called "something", yet everything seems to be so bothering. How and what and where shall I have a good rest then. I feel so depressed that every time, I think of that thing, nothing seemed to be working. Time stops, and my mind's wandering. Have I done the right thing, or I have done the right thing?

             People say, I am a not so typical type, who can be bragged by whoever goes out on my way. They think I am a one superwoman, who can bypass every murmurs and smirky smiles around me. Not even bothered of whose eyes are on me, but saying all these words, seemed to be one mistake. I guess, I really just have nothing to do with it. No worthy thing. Others may think, I am a happy go lucky woman, I  am  "wander"woman. Many things popping out of my head, that I wish will never come back again. Yet, every time I think of it, it goes in. And how is that? Am I losing my insanity? Or this is just one of my personal issues? I don't know. It will always be a maybe. Having a commitment, is really not a "5-star thinking" , not a two-thumbs up, nor a referred item for a suggestion box. Difficult, it is. Waste of time, yes. Yet, nobody dares to stop it, and I wonder why.

            For so many times, I tried stopping it. But the bastards won't stop. They still dare and try, and for this one man who actually got in my way. Goodluck then. Right now, I'm actually thinking of what you just have said, 4 hours ago, and I don't know, not really. If I am still, into you. You are, maybe, and maybe not as much as before. Just have to remind myself, that there should be no other man, who would let me down. And if you dare to, I won't complicate it. It would be done, not for you, but for me. I have lived my life with grace, before I met you , and so I have to live that way after meeting you. Yet, there's still a no good bye, and this is not it. My mind is still working on it, under construction. For at this moment, I might as well say, I don't have to love you more than you do, IF you really do.

Boys Wish Girls Knew

1. We aren't mind readers
2. We aren't to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
3. Smoking is the biggest turn off.
4. It never hurts to work out
5. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't ask.
6. "FINE" or "WHATEVER" is never an appropriate ending to a conversation.
7. Don't expect us to say so many sweet things as in the movies. (it takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts.)
8. Only models are able to wear most of the stuffs you see in fashion magazines.
9. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
10. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you mat enjoy, just let us know
11. If we're not getting love we'll start looking... (haha. kidding. psyche. we're dead serious)
12. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice an inch missing.
13. We don't mind going to gay movies with you but don't tell our friends.
14.  You can't hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or "old yeller"
15.  "the game is on" is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
16. You're probably not as funny as you think.
17. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if i hear one more girl say "he's so hot" he may have to die.
18.  Cooking makes a girl that much more especially if she can use a grill.
19.  You can't get mad if we refuse to hook up your ugly friend with on of our friends.
20. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream, also altoids, just don't make your breath fresher.
21. Boy's night outs are sacred events. if we answer questions we could be castrated.
22. 99.5% of the time, we didn't mean to hurt you.

- This is a re-post and I wanted to add some things for that.

1. Computer games really are boys' next girl. Don't let them choose between you or their screens.
2.  Boys aren't carts to hold all your shopping bags.
3.  Boys insist in paying the bills, but if you resist, go. They don't want an argument from that.
4. They really care about what you wear, and they are serious when they want you to change your sleeveless top and skirts.
5. Turn offs: hard make up (too much foundation, lipstick) they want you as simple as possible, yet chic
6. Bad words are really big no no
7. Gossip girls
8. Loudspeakers (literally), but they find it cool sometimes, just don't be suicidal
9. And the most undecided situation for boys , is the meet the parents stage. They  really don't know how to react on it.

(laughs)

Phone Beeps for Nothing

Ever lost had your phone out of your sight?

         Is this a paranoid thing of having it out of my sight just for a sec or two? What's in it that people do crave of having it as one of the basic needs then? Even searching for the latest models, with so many features when in it is a communication gadget, yet, appears like it is really addicting. People are people, they say. I guess it's a human nature that in fear of being out from others, many keep their mobile phones on all the time, everywhere, like on every walks, or every talks, in classrooms, in the garden, in church, or in the bathroom (wonder how one manages texting while taking a bath? wow.) true and striking thing is, when one does not receive any new message on their phones, there starts the paranoia, the uneasiness, irritability, thoughts like "nobody loves me, huhuhuhu" ... funny funny. But that's what's actually happening now a days. This uneasiness impels them to answer all incoming text messages immediately, which is... often not necessary.

            Greetings of good mornings and good nights, sweet dreams, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite. I guess this are top messages sent now a days. And the never ending boys' thing when courting. Really disappointing that many depended on this. 

Girls, if you think it's right to let one court you that easy. Please, stop it. Move on.

             Another top rating event in text networking. The term "group message" or GM. How does this make a sense? I'll raise a hand for that. GM or "group messaging" was also my thing. Back from my junior years, I really can't resist of flooding messages, especially "call-center-days". (i mean unlimited calls and texts). That was a really a wow and a "cool" thing for the many. Especially for tweens and teens. It was like, telling everybody what you're into, that moment, quotations (that you are actually,and "secretly" pointing into someone, right? hussshh), that was actually the means of Im-bored-please-reply, or hey-you-interesting person i like-message-me, the more more reasons that is really something in denying yet true.

            From there, I thought of it seriously that "hey, this isn't working, it does nothing but a minus in my credits for the load and time for my other things." I'm not growing. There, I realized that time is really a precious thing. I started to lessen the messaging. And I did.

              Just this Holy week, as my way of fasting, I thought of keeping my phone in my bag for that whole week and forget about it and everything on it. I have done so many things then, I used to spend more personal talks with my siblings and cousins. I became productive. I have finished the book I started. I managed to practice my spatial skills. It really is more productive to do things personally. Right, and no doubt , surely, you will be more satisfied with life. And now, I am back. I brought out my phone. Manages to keep in touch with my friends, update things, and off. I guess, it won't affect the affection we have anyway if i'd be sometime... MIA (Missing In Action)... Right?

Now. I'm Serious

Question

             Why do so many people are wimps when it comes to their promises and commitments?

they say they'l wait, and they'd leave. they promise they'l come, and they went to the other village.

they promise they'l do something for you, and they don't. then, still they wonder why their life is a mess ,still.

i pity myself then, cause i am one of them. then i came up on this phrases.

"Believe in yourself" and "believe yourself"

           What made the two different. Form? Words? Arrangements? Tone?

Nah-uh. I can say this is a great realization i have made in my 18th year in earth. It says, only you may know what you can and cannot when you think you can't make it. Then don't. if you do, just make a less of this promises and commitments I've through so many situations in vain. And so i knew how is it like. You yourself knows who you are.

WHATEVER YOU SAY YOU'LL DO, DO IT!

Our words are the law of our self. And that is when you truly believe in yourself.

Buckle Up

                I thought of so many things while on our trip far from home. I came to think of my pasts. How did I survived and what challenges are coming. Who would be my next victims and the source of it. Who would give the reason and the caution. How am I to start another "something" and end it? Am I to make it a shorter term or a longer to make it odd than the others? Or, would this really be my game for life? 


              For so many years, just so happened that the people who left me are just aint good for me. Some made me believe that i fell on my own trap. Others became too shallow, that I felt like an immoral mortal for showing them what's supposedly not for them. This face faked a lot of them. And now, a lot of them, maybe, believes more on anybody except me. But I used to do those things to know who'd make the most of me. That's how I accepted it. But would I just let that happen all the time? As in just go with the flow and let them be, and say and expect and whatever? I know there's always a way for my own. I can manage.


             I control what's written and to be written in the book of my life. The question is HOW? I can't always do it however or whatever. It is something I must think about. I am turning 19, and I have to take things more seriously, who said i don't anyway? Well, I do, but again, I just can't get enough. One thing that really made me so of this is the man-of-nothing-but-pride-and-ego. I always consider myself as one of the boys. Especially being with groups of them and turned into one of them. 


                They are nice, very. My boys are nice. Right. They will always be nice when girls are nice too. But that is not a general info I have to state in here. Because I was just referring to my boy-friends. Being with them for years, really changed a lot of me. I became more sociable and have deeper thoughts. I used to think quick and wiser- not really because of them but because of the situations we've been. Till, we've separated our ways for college. I was much in peace, because I know that I can handle things then. But I was wrong. My boys are not-so-far from the so-called men-next-door. A lot of them are so much of what pisses me off and makes me go gaga. They were nice, but would be nicer if you are showing-nice-like, telling them positive about them. May i just use the term "take advantage"? Cause that exactly fits them. Yet, that attitude of these men-next-door, made me wander this far, that I have gone so far like I have reached the outside galaxies for doing so. 


          I have been to so many curves and roads with zig-zags and cliffs and plains and hi-ways and intersections and parking lots and stop over and stop lights because of them. But, one thing I had, that really guided me. The seat-belt. Wherever I go, I used to fasten it for safety. Sometimes, it's not held up, but mostly it's buckled up. Here and there, I came to these important things. Seat-belts really do hold you safely, unless unbuckled. Try it then.

Talk Show Script: Gays and Lesbians

Here's a short sript ofour talk show entitled:

HALL OF SHAME
(FACE YOUR FAME)

Special Guests of the in-betweens:


The Gays

• The successful one
• The Comedian
• One who has a conflict with his family
• A not-so-obvious policeman

The Lesb

• A bisexual, who has a girl and boy at the same time
• A rape victim
• The successful businesswoman
• The faithful muslim

Others:

• Nun
• Sociologist

Start

Good Morning!
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
AND THE IN BETWEEN. (applause!)


Here we are now on our special episode of our show.


Hosts:  i am josephine uy aka JOSAH
and i am alyssa salazar aka LYSSAHH


lysa- josah, you ever wonder of your identity, or should i say, your sexual preference?


josa- actually, i always think of that. you know, those gays along the bars, the metrosexuals,
the same sex relationships, it's like. wow, what if me and alyssa had that thing??
you knoww..


josa and lyssa - EEWWWW! (laughs)


josa- enough for that dear, let's not delay this much. from what we were talking about earlier,
you guys may already have your ideas about our topic for this day,


lysa- right right right, you are right, i know some of you are excited for this,...
HOMOSEXUALS, WHAT ABOUT THEM?


clap clap clap


intro the guests
hosts:
actually, we have grouped them earlier, the gays...
and the lesbians,
STRAIGHT to the point.


1st; successful gay
a multi'tasking working graduate from UP,
and is now taking another course in FEU,
ivan joseph velasco aka ivy


2nd: comedian
the famous comedian, who would ever forget


3rd :family gay
a family man, back from his past,




4th: police
SPO atapang diurungan


lesb:


1st: bi
maybe single but available.
that's how she sees herself,




2nd: rapevic


3rd: succesful lesb
business woman of the year,
an archi and an artist of the year
and best of all, she got the best in
tuxedo outfit of the year (etchos lang. wla nko maisip eh. haha)


4th: muslim
a muslim citizen from ARMM


with special guests:
sister ruth from the pink sisters
sociologist


host:
ok, now. let's start. first thing, homosexuals...
where did they come from?


questions:
for gays.
what made you "you"?


successful gay-
it was like genetically transferred,that my ancestors have made me this. from the past that i was maltreated by my father,abused by my guy classmates from my highschool, been rejected by the people i admire. from all of that, it came up on me that i have to do something. something that people would stop discriminating my league. and here i am, proud and gay to be gay.


comedian
wow!that's a great drama my dear. but me, it was one day when i thought of killing myself. not because i look like this but because i was rejected by the girl i courted for years! i was a straight guy, normal, but after that girl who turned me down, whew! fine, there are lots of boys out there anyway, right?


rapevic lesbi
sometimes, you really dont have to please anybody just for that person to love you back. you don't have to alter. and, we, dont have to be bitter about these people who made our life miserable. their life might be as well, be so bittered by other people anyway.


socio
excuse me, i guess. it's not about the people around you. "Don't assume I'm straight" Often bisexuals are seen as being in a "fence sitting" transition phase.This is often blamed on confusion about their own identity ,or denial of their true sexual orientation because they are afraid to come out or unable to choose.


bi
i got your point, but that doesnt mean much like we're all confused about our own self. we, or personally, i, admit that it is my choice to be a lesbian. it's not showing that i've quitted to be a woman, but i wanted to show that my appearance physically has this masculinity, who can do what a normal man can.




host
so it was like an ego in you? is that what you mean?


famgay


not really, sometimes, it's about where you came from, your family. the environment you used to live. the people around you are really the main reason of your "being you" now. i am saying this for i've been there. my dad never believed me whenever i say im straight, he thinks im too feminine. he said i was soo obvious because of my gay friends, duh! they may be gays but i can be different, i just enjoy their company, but im straight, but dad insisted, so fine. i am gay. fine. since then, i really joined my friends league, for life.


police
hahaha. nice one bro. good for you men. obviously, i am a policeman. on this coat.
feared by many because of my manly look. my deep masculinity, with great strenght. these killer eyes. look.
but that's not it.i also have my weakness, and i found it out so fast and no doubt. he passed by the window, from there.
he smiled at me. i was stunned. and i said... "wow, is this love?" and we live together now, i know it's awkward but, when it comes to that term "el ow vi ee", impossible is a no.


host
wew. that really is love. i guess, but wasnt there a reason like you guys became what you are now because of your principles in life??


BI
i guess, that's about me.it came up to me that why be a sexist if we are all human beings? i may look like just this but hey, you don't really know what i can do. i guess, its about those boys that thinks of us women as weak. now, i have my girlfriend that i have courted for years. i know what a girl wants, and soo i know what i must and must not do, that's actuali an advantage for us homos, but i also have my boyfrnd. i dont know, but i feel like so manly if i have two.(like other men think) one for love and the other for play. boys will be boys, as they have said. i agree, but they also have to consider that girls can be boys too!


rapevic


hoho. mine was soo tragic. my past changed the whole of me. that boy ruined my life, my femininity! he abused me. he got my only treasure. one day, he approached me, asking for my forgiveness, of course. knowing that he is the reason for this, i punched him, and gave that pain he gave me. he should have not done that, since then, i felt like being one of them. the traits passed on me. manly, wow, like that girl next door was now the boy next door.


hosts:
it's as if our guests really had bitter pasts. from family, to clasmmates, to boys and girls and so of that. mostly, from the people they loved, and like, almost all of it are from love dillemas.hmm. but that is not where everything starts and
ends. it's in our society, actually.


*discrimination


how does one from your league survive in this society?


succesful lesbi
-Everyone, regardless of race, status, sex or sexual preference, are indiscriminately welcome in our society. so what kung lesbian ako, at bading siya. we are all human beings. united by one blood. i admit, being one of us is really difficult. people would go staring at you as if you were so far and a total alien. as if you have no right no enter such establishments or walk in to the isle of the church. they always judge us with how we look and not for what we really do for our society. come to think of this, the people whom we think wouldnt do good in our society are actually those who give much good name. it's not about the physical appearance, it's about what we do about others, specifically, the right thngs. positive!


- muslim
if only i can show up, and tell everyone that i am a lesbian. there would be no problem at all. and i wont be on this show. but it's the freedom to speak up. regardless of my religion, still im on this. even if, i have my wife, and two kids. i never thought of it. for my wife is even the one who supports me in whatever i do. as in whatever.


- nun
did you just say wife and two kids? there is a bill, which penalizes a broad range of human rights violations against lesbians, gays, bisexuals, and transgenders, that is obviously considered as “morally reprehensible.”. protecting lesbians and gays from discrimination is like extending support for pedophiles.


- comedian
what about that? isnt love conquers everything? it does! as in everything.


- successful gay
and what i know is, The deeper and more profound reason prohibiting same-sex marriages is based on the impossibility of reproduction rather than on invidious discrimination on account of sex or sexual preference. right?


- nun


but still, It must be noted that even under the Family Code of the Philippines, Articles 2 and 5 thereof allow a marriage only between a male and a female. As a matter of fact, Articles 45(3) and 55(6) of the same law even provide that lesbianism and homosexuality are grounds for annulment and legal separation, respectively.


- socio
and prior to that, would it be nice seeing two same gendered individual walking along the streets, holding hands, or publicly showing affection with each other. what would be the tourists' impression about our country then, how would they respect our culture if that is what they see in general,


- BI


right,but you must not take it generally, not all gays and lesbians act the same way. as he have said earlier, it depends to from what kind of environment was one used to be. we have the educated and the uneducated of course, and it's by choice. even if we want to clean our reputation as homos, we cant, we cant rule them all. the only part of the society is, to respect us, so there would be no conflict, discrimination is never a way to stand out in our society. never.


- socio
you are saying then that people discriminate your league because they want to rule, to stand out, to be dominant?
nah-uh. i dis-agree, people actually arent aware of that. it's like a human nature that automatically reacts on to what they think is abnormanl, or is beyond the normal. can you say that it is normal to see two guys holding hands, or love-making? i dont think so.


- muslim
and would that also be the reason why christians always look so differently on us, muslims? would there be a point that religion be an exemption. i always wonder, im also a human, my friends that are also like this, them, us, you think it is fair to be maltreated by our society just because we are not like them?


- rapevic
and that made me think now, you are right my friend. people always think we are so different from them, that whenever we pass by in front of them, they make a distance away from us, it's like hey hey, what do you of yourself, NORMAL?


- succesful lesbi
i know what you mean by that, in this society, everyone. regardless of sex or age, is abnormal, i mean, there no such thing as usual for now, people do things that actually makes them diffrent from the others, why alter,


-hosts
ok ok, i think it's getting hot in here. smile.
- right, so lets move on to our final question,




* dear guests, what do you think of yourselves now that you are here and showing the whole world that you are gays and lesbians?


start with?


successful gay


i have heard enough. mostly negative about our league. but that didnt stop me from aiming higher and dreaming big. not really that big but just right for what i can. you know, its not about the gender but the capability of one to do things on their own.


police


in addition to that, one's position is never a barrier to dream big. it is also not a reason to hide from your shell. i may look like this, strong-willed, powerful, but never, and never did i ever used these things to hurt other people. i love my job, for whatever i am now, i am still a policeman you can trust. being gay is not being weak anyway.


muslim


i do respect others, for what and who they are. i came out here to reveal who i really am. at first, i was really doubtful, but my wife just said "go on dear, we are just here. supporting you for all the things you are into." family, that's what's important.


famgay


right, your family is your home. i cant deny that, but not all families live happilly. some just ignore you and rejects you. think that you are non sense and a big pest to their home. they would rather wish you were dead. but you must not take that forever, enough is enough. it will always be your choice, and i chose to be a normal individual, though gay and not straight, i still have my true friends and myself, of course.


rapevic
just a phrase, proud to be a "FILIPINO" (smiles)


succesful lesbi
isnt that the other show's name? (laugh) anyway, il make it short. i am me, a woman in disguise. fears none of the authority, i work for my living, and that's it. i care not to gossips around me.


comedian
gossip girl, is that what you mean? haha, well. you're definitly right sis, and in fact, if you are talked about, be proud, that just means you are pretty interesting. look at me, proud and gay. my family rejected me, that girl dumped me, those boys played on me, yet. im still here, im even on tv. who needs them anyway, i live a happy life now. what actually is important is the present and the people around you who makes you smile and the people of course that i've touched and have given a smile. that's my role, to make other people happy, that's why im'a gay. :D


BI
- pretty positive for that! (high fives!) just this, baby, i know you are watching now. i hope our love to last. and to my boyfriend.... now you know, how's it like to be played on? see, ive warned you, i even told you about this, but you thought i was just kidding, well you are wrong. people, everyone, listen. i came out not to be an influence that girls must play on games. i showed up, to give a message to my fellow men, that it isnt a good idea to degrade my league. it is a do or else....


hosts:
hwow, now that's hot. thank you ladies and gentlemen and in betweens. and to our special guests, mr. _________________
and ms. ___________________


before closing this show, we would like to thank .......






thank you for viewing, dont forget. love conquers everything.everyone regardless of race, sexual preference, or status are beings. humans. and to stand out, FACE YOUR FAME HERE ON, JOSA..... AND LYSSA'S... HALL OF SHAME.






*ok. so how did i get this?
i honestly dont know. these lines, just popped up. then i just have to type it straight. quick (because of the deadline). augh. but hey, when i read it with my group..
wow. i just laughed out loud that, was i really the one who made this?? but, knowing that im'a kind of'a feminist. the words. lines. are really so much of me. no doubt. it's my piece.

Zodiac Sign - The tramp

TAURUS - The Tramp


Aggressive. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight.
Fight for what they want. Can be annoying at times, but for the love of attention. Extremely outgoing. Loves to help people in times of need. Good kisser. Good personality. Stubborn. A caring person. They can be self centered and if they want something they will do anything to get it. They love to sleep and can be lazy. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most attractive people on earth!




True? So much. But for so many reason.
I can say it's no use. Yes.
Extremely outgoing that it happened just that night, where
everything have changed the "me".
changed for only one night.
it just happened that way and
also ended THAT way.
So soon.
I wasn't ready.
It isnt easy to be ME.


LITERALLY!

Been there. Done that.

                  It’s been a year. Ima thinking of writing one last blog about us, or should i say him . How should i start then. I know this is stupid. But I always tell myself that i must get out of whatever im feeling towards him! This is nostalgic! I know.but i must write this, for this is what made me this. Back from my first semester in college, I thought. I’d be just fine as long as I’d carry on with my boyfriend. Even if i know that my mom doesn't like him, still, i insisted to be with him. Even if it’ll be a long distance relationship, still, i believed in myself that we can make it. 

                 

                  First day of classes, i knew a lot of strangers. They are nice and good, i thought. Proud of myself, i never thought of hunting any other boys. Too occupied by my boyfriend. Weeks passed, my girl friends asked me about the boys around us. Our classmates. I know they were just trying me. Well, to be nice. I just answer it with a smile. Then I have to tell my boyfriend about them. I tried to be used to it. But it made me so useless and stressed. I thought of deciding on my own. Do whatever i like. Hang out with my classmates and not just lock myself home while my boyfriend is out with his friends, (not even sure if he’s really with them, alone...) and so I did! I started hangin' out with my blockmates. I gave myself the right to text whoever i like, and talk to whoever i want to. It was fun. I found myself again. 

                Then that same week, i notice this guy noticing me. Glances. I knew i liked him from that. His expressive eyes. His funny look. His silence. I knew it. I like him. Before the semester ends, he asked for my number. I really didn’t know about him. Not even his real name. He texted me. I didn’t know it was him so what do you expect. I replied bitterly, and because I don’t know him even if he introduced himself , still. It didn’t bother me much. I wont ever know that it was the person i like until my friend told me about it. The hell. But that wasn’t much . It’s ok, it was just him. That time, i was so bothered about my boyfriend. I wanna end up our relationship. But still, I wasn’t that brave to do it. I don’t know why. Since the day the person I like texted me, I felt like being unfaithful for promising my boyfriend that i won't text any other guy besides him. But I thought, it wasn’t really a big deal, crush is just a crush, right?

               Sembreak is coming. Me and my crush or should i say “kuya”spent a lot of time texting each other. I knew about his life. All of his imperfections. All of his bad deeds. And his status, he is single. No girlfriend, that was he said. Then, there came sleepless nights. Sharing stuffs. Until the day that i have to go to our province for sembreak alone. I didn't know much about manila, good thing. Kuya was there, he accompanied me to the terminal with his friend. That was the very first move he did, that i thought. He really was just being nice. Funny thing that scared me, was when he texted me, checking if i was home, even dropped a call to check on me, while i was with my boyfriend. Whew! That was close. I just don’t want my ever suspicious boyfriend to think negative about it. It would be a long fight. Being with my boyfriend that moment made me think of what i just did. Wondering if i really did something unfaithful. But, kuya just dropped me at the terminal for my safety, right? I guess, my boyfriend should be thankful instead.

              I thought, what was left behind should be just where it is. But i was wrong,. Our conversations still continued. Kuya and I had a deal of having the same locker. My boyfriend didn’t know about it. We were happy when we were together. I left him that way. He never had any idea about me and kuya. He shouldn’t. Next term, kuya and I started to see each other. Talk in the corridors. Hang outs. Fun, that was. Then i felt, something like. ima happy that way, far from my boyfriend.

                A month after i left our province, i decided to break off whatever i left in there, and that is my relationship with my guy. We’re off. I was so guilty. He asked me why. I can’t answer him straight. It’s not exactly kuya, the guy ima getting to know, its not about having a third party. It never was. But how he treats me as a girl and how he possesses me as his property, not a girlfriend anymore. I thought, leaving him clueless and curiously would make him think more. I know it wasn’t good to see me going out with kuya. But i really didn’t think of anything about us. I thought, he really was just being nice to me. Until, he told me about a girl he liked. And that was me. Knowing myself for liking him too, i also confessed about it. I knew it. There’s something between us, starting to grow. Till i was dumbfound. I saw a girl from his account. His girlfriend. I asked him about it, but not that straight question i used to do. Calmly, he answered me with a yes. He is committed with a girl for one and a half year!!!!

                 Damn it. Tears fell. I got sick for a week. Also a week that i didn’t drop by to our locker. I assumed too much that he is nice. That he is not like any other guy i knew. But again, i was wrong. Then one day, he asked me of going to our friend’s birthday in their place, in cavite. It’s been two weeks. And i thought, i can make it. I can face him again and won’t even bother that he lied to me. I went out with them, it was an overnight. an all boy’s night out. Well, i was one of the boys. And i know, they respect me, i know im safe with them. im sure, coz birthday boy’s mom is watching us. Lol. They are all nice. We drank but not drunk. The session’s over. We have to rest. They are all sleepy. Same as to me. I laid down to our bed. No malice. I didn’t notice kuya was beside me. It didn’t bother. I was too sleepy for that. But honestly, i was really happy. Half asleep, i felt what he did. A sweet kiss i wont ever forget. Its a foul. I know. since that, everything changed. He spent more time with me. He visits me in our apartment. We even had our DQ moments , (Dairy Queen, located in trinoma) whenever we had free time. That was fun! 

             Being with the person you like is really a pleasure of a leisure time. From that DQ time, i was given the chance to meet his two childhood bestfriends, and also their friends. A hang out in trinoma, drank till drunken, except me. But from there, his friends asked about what we really are. Our status. His other friend even thought that WE ARE. that made a silent scream from my mind. its an OH-NO-PLEASE-DON’T-ASK. Kuya just gave his friends a blank face,. I saw that. He never answer a question like that. But his eyes answers it all. An even confused look, OR “don’t mind us look”. Whew. Then, back to businesses. 

            Before Christmas break, my friends planned of a house party at their house, it's like a Christmas party. That was dated the same day i was going to meet my high school friends and my best friend from Baguio. I asked kuya if he wanted to go. He accepted it. He had his friend with him (the same friend he was with, the day he dropped me by the terminal.) i was happy at a moment, that finally, my friends would know my special friend. That was late, it was 8pm, his friend went off for his girl and so he’s left with me and my friends and i also have to go to my friend’s house for the party. He insisted to go with me again, even just to make sure that I'm safe. And so, Ok. I accepted it. But i was surprised when he also came in to the FX. I asked him why, knowing that his way home is the other way, but he just looked at me. As usual. Then so, we’re there. So I, feeling ashamed for his being gentleman for accompanying me waiting for my friend to fetch me at school at that late night, then asked him to go with us instead, and join us. my friend didn’t like my idea but i insisted or else. (that’s actually another long story) Alright. Then the party started, i knew they’l be surprised for his being there. But he’s my guest and so they must bear with me. That night was awesome. Many things happened. A fight with a friend. a question and answer portion. And’A sweet moment. Bedtime. Again, he slept beside me. All of my friends saw it. They found it sweet, so sweet. But actually, it isn’t right. I , again. have sinned.

               It was past 1 in the afternoon, when we left my friend’s house. He was like, rushing and as if trying to catch up for something. Then we parted for home. The moment I came in to my room. He texted me if I was home. And so I said yes, and I grabbed it to ask him if he’s ok. He didn’t answer my question. Instead, he sent me his girl’s messages. I almost forget, right, he’s taken. I read the message. I almost cried. I felt so guilty. That day was supposedly the day they’l celebrate her birthday together. But he didn’t make it. And that’s because of me. I didn’t know. I was so sorry. From that, i asked him to go to her and ease her. She seemed so unwell. From her words that he stayed up late just to finish all her works before that day. Yet nothing happened and useless just because of me. Damn curse me my dear. I was so sorry.

               That made me decide to stop whatever we have. I cut off our communication. Good thing that was near holiday that i went home to our province for Christmas. But, still. He is bothering me. He gave me those sweet words. I know their relationship’s getting weak. But i must not be the reason. Till the Christmas eve, that they broke up. He asked me to accept him again. i almost fell into him, but many more things bothered me. I know it won’t work. So i pushed him back to his girl and told him that everything between them would be just fine. It would be just an overnight cry. Since that, i didn’t bother him anymore. I hid myself from him. I deleted his digits from m y phone, though i know i’d recognize his message... from then, back to school. I found a new me. I never expected of him anymore. Though we’re seeing each other everytime we put our things on our locker. It didn’t bother me that much. I know he is happy being single. And that made me ease, for he didn\t bother me too. In a way, i guess, i was wrong again. i knew it. They’re back together. And he confirmed me that. And that was it. I tried to be ok. I don’t wanna cry again for him. Until, our friend (the birthday boy) came to cheer me up. He never knew the things we had. (me and kuya). i never mention it to my friends. I hide it on my own. But he has an idea that there is something between us. yet, it didn’t bother him. That time, i was a sweet little girl who tries to ease my brotherly friends. I never thought that , that guy would take it seriously. I told him , i like him, then he confessed the same thing, not knowing that i was just kidding. Sorry, but i tend to be insane. I didn’t know what to say. But i just let it be. I thought, he might as well, help me forget kuya. Yes, we are more than that. But it seemed nothing. Kuya learned about it, when he knew it. It’s as if, he really was affected. He said he was. He told me how ill he was, when i told him that his friend was my new boyfriend. I don’t know what to think about him. But i didn’t care much about it. From that, he started to be cold and ask me about our friend, who was my boy that time.. questions like, do i really like him or i just used him to make him jealous. Knowing me, i have to deny it. But some part of it, that i wanted to make him jealous. And that’s what he thought. And so he told me to break him up or he will do it for me. He’ll tell our friend about it. That’s obviously a blackmail!! But it seemed affected me much like i never expected. That was difficult for me to do. Breaking up with a person isn’t that easy. Especially if he doesn’t deserve that pain. I know it was my mistake. Itsa game for me and a hell for him. But it made me think too, that he is too good for me. And soo i cut it off. We’re off. I am nobody’s girl. I made me used to it. I ignored their sweet words. I became numb. I guess. The next guy to please me would make a really long run. This is a bow to kuya. The guy who made me this. now, our friend and my ex is far from us. he was now taking his degree in’a different schoolin cebu. Kuya and his girlfriend are happy now. I guess. The photos says it all. BUT, still. He is bothering me. He makes me remember the pasts. Duh. That s a history for me now. And me? Ima enjoying my life now. I know im happy. I found new friends. I found a new someone. Maybe not as much as i liked kuya before. But i guess, it is much better than him. I hope.

take note:it's not a joke. LOL

December 1, 2007- December 1, 2008

Now Signing off. Done with you.

SHOOT ME ! BLOG YOU !

I came not to destroy any of you but to tell you a story about someone i knew. it is him you and her. he loves two girls that's what i heard. but he loves you more than the other... only when you are not around. he managed to be with HER and let you not think of any thing that would question him. do you remember the day supposedly for you and he didn't make it? he was with "her". he thought of being with her even if he knows you both have planned of something the next day. with all the efforts you made just to finnish your works for you not be bothered by this things for your day, he still didn't make it. a simple gift and sorry made you ease and you forgave him. yet, he didn't stop to see her. he still came in to her and they both had an understanding you never knew. weeks passed. "she" stopped him and said goodbye. everything came to an end without you knowing it ever happened. the holidays you almost end up was his plan and yet a simple sorry still gave you an ease. SHE tried to hide from him but still he's around. they'd be seeing each other soon without you knowing it. you are soo blinded by that love you are giving him. you have lots of reasons to be jealous but you just can't give evidences to push him.

I pity those who wait for nothing. i was there and i know everything. she does not know how much i know about them and you. try questioning things between the two of you. she is just around. he made it once. he could make all over again. i made this for what i did. i made this story not to cause fights but to make every girl realize that men are deceiving. they make lies. women dont deserve any fools. we live to love them. i just wonder why men are so misleading.

Right. I know. I just made it. Sorry, but I just can't help myself from typing. SHOOT ME BLOG!

MATA

Huwebes. Wala akong klase. Tapos na rin lahat ng Gawain. Nakakabagot. Nakakatamad. Ano bang dapat gawin, ng magkaroon ng kabuluhan ang aking araw? Maraming napasok sa aking isipan. Ngunit isa lang ang tanging natipuhan. Tumambay sa Jamaican at kumain ng paboritoi kong Jamaican dish. Sabay nito ang pagpakasasa ko sa malamig na malamig na mango smoothie nila habang ako ay nag-iiskets ng sinumang maharap sa aking kinauupuan. Tama! Yan nga ang aking bisyo tuwing ako’y nag-iisa at walang magawa.

Para sa akin, bilang isang estudyante ng “fine arts”, hangad kong lumawak ang aking ka-alaman at pagbutihin pa ang aking talento.

Hindi para makilala ng buong mundo kundi, para magkaroon ng sarili kong pangalan na aking maipagmamalaki sa aking sarili.

Akin talagang Gawain ang tumambay mag-isa tuwing walang Gawain. Ang sabi ng iba, nakakatakot yun. Walang kasama. Walang ka-kulitan. Walang karamay sa mga kalokohan. Pero hindi yun ang aking naisip. Sa tingin ko ay mga taong takot mapag-sabihan na “iba”(others) ang nagsasabi lang noon. Takot silang may masabi ang ibang tao sa kanila. Gusto nila maging naka-tataas. Magakaroon ng maraming kasama. Ang akala kasi nila, sisikat sila sa ganoong paraan. Maraming kasama, sikat. Pero mali. Masa maganda ata kung maraming “kaibigan” at hindi lang “kasama”.

Marami ngmga pangyayari sa aking buhay bago pa man ako na-lagi sa Jamaican. Bawat araw ay oridnaryo. Walang espesyal. Walang pagbabago. Ngunit ang araw na ito, iba. Kanina pa siya di mapakali. Ang mga mata’y may nais ipahiwatig. Parang may gusto. At di nga naglaon ay nilapitan ako. Steady lang. walang ramdam. Ano naman kung siya ay lumapit. Hinintay ko nalang ang sunod niyang gagawin. Nagsimulang bumukas ang kanyang bibig at aking narinig ang malalim at lalaking lalaking boses niya. Paano raw ba pumunta sa city circle? Sa kaloob-looban ko, gusto kong tumawa. Sinong mag-aakalang sa itsura niyang iyon ay hindi niya pa alam ang mga lugar sa maynila…

Akin pa ring sinagot ang kanyang katanungan kahit alam kong di talaga yun ang kanyang sadya. Doon, nagsimula ang nais ipahiwatig ng kanyang mga mata.

Nagpatuloy an gaming pagkikita kahit di ito sadya. Walang usapan na kami’y magkikita, ngunit sadya lang talagang pareho kami ng libangan at tambayan. Doon at doon parin, parehong oras. Parehong araw. Pero sino nga ba siya? Isang lalaking di ma-wari ang nasa isip. Aking kakanyahan ang bumasa ng nasa isip ng isang tao, pero bakit sa kanya ay walng ubra? Ano ba talagang nais iparating ng mga malalalim niyang mata? Ang kanyang manipis na balbas at makakapal na kilay, nagsasabi bang may mga bagay na kanyang ikinatatago tago at di masabi sa iba? Parang may kinikimkim na malagim na nakaraan. At ang kanyang itim na “jacket”. Nakapanlalamig ba ang lihim na kanyang itinatago? Ang pormang pang-kanto na di halata dahil sa putla ng kanyang mukha at salaming itinatago ang para bang di natutulog na mga mata. Sino nga ba siya? anong maibabahagi niya sa buhay ko?

Hindi nagtagal ay lumalim ang aming mga usapin. Sa ika-limang beses at araw n gaming pag-uusap, nalaman ko ang saklap at pait ng kanyang buhay. Hindi naging mabait sa kanya ang buhay. Mapait. Kasuklam suklam. Sinong matutuwa at magpapasalamat sa buhay na lahat ng taong pinahalagahan ay sila ring kukunin sa kanya? Iniwan siya ng kanyang magulang ng malamang siya ay nakapatay. Namatayan siya ng nobya. Nawala rin lahat ng mga akala niya ay mga tunay na kaibigan. Sa ngayon, mag-isa na lamang siya. nagta-trabaho. Palipat-lipat. Para bang naglalakabay na lamang at inaantay ang kanyang oras.

Doon rin lang kami nagpakilala ng pormal sa isa’t isa.naisip ko pa nga kung akin bang paniniwalaan ang mga sinabi niya. Pero ba’t hindi? Kung masama ang intension niya ay sana matagal na niyang ginawa.

Sa mag oras na iyon, napansin ko ang pamumutla ng kanyang mukha. Ayokong magtanong. Ayokong matrinig ang sagot. Ilang oras na lamang at mag-gagabi na. tumayo siya at daling hinila ako palabas. Kailangan na raw naming umuwi. Ihahatid na raw niya ako. Humndi ako. At din a rin siya nagpumilit. Pero, siniguro niyang makasakay muna ako bago siya tuluyang nawala sa aking paningin. Di man lang ako nakapag-pasalamat. Bigla nalang siyang nawala. Pero naiwan sa aking mga ang lamig ng kanya. Ang kanyang mga hawak. Malamig. Mahigpit. Ang kanyang mga titig, nakakapang-hina. Para bang lahat ng aking saya ay hingop na niya. Sa aking paglalakad palapit sa aming pintuan, biglang nasa isip ko ang mga salita niya bago bitawan ang aking mga kamay. Isang tinig na di ko pa narinig kailanman. Isang titig na siya at siya lang ang nagpakita sa akin. Pati mga simpleng salita na talagang nag’iwan sa akin ng pangamba…

“bata… ingat.. ka....”

MCDOnalds' super size me

"Super Size Me"

            The documentary got it all for us, especially the youth. It showed what would happen to a person who'd have super size meals from McDonalds, three times a day for 30 days. That was really a "wow". What Spurlock did was really devastating. Horrifying. For Asians like us, we still try to fit in with our daily diet, but for Americans, there's this thing that really can't resist themselves from these fast food chains, which, i really wonder about. is this really by their nature or the plain American culture?


             Can one just imagine himself, living his life with just burgers and fries, burgers and fries, burgers and fries, burgers and fries, and burgers and fries to the nth time. I may say, it is acceptable if one makes it for it's all he has to do. He's got no choice but to eat on a fast food to save time. But i don't think it would be excusable to say, it's already their way of living. It is not to save time ALWAYS and almost everyday that you have to drive-thru McDonalds to take out a burger with you for breakfast..... lunch.... dinner.. and'a snacks! that really is a BIG NO NO.


             Eating on fast food chains, may be an addiction that once you put yourself on it, you'll often go on to eat it in increasing quantities for the rest of your life. We all know that obesity is epidemic that parents should be alarmed about. That as much as possible, not to spoil their children with this hamburgers and fries. Sometimes, advertisements are really powerful about this but actually are so wrong. But what can we do about it, it is business.


            This documentary movie gave us this cautionary insight on how fast food chains come to dominate and serve us like deprived. This is already giving us a caution. And think twice about our diet. It's not bad to indulge yourself from these American foods, but it will be when you start your day with these meals, everyday. Make up with this, it's a suicide.

Wika Ko, Wikang Filipino,Wika ng Mundo, Mahalaga

Lahat ng bansa ay may sariling wika, Pambansang wika nga kung ating tawagin. “Ang wika ay mahalaga para sa lahat”, sino naman ang hindi aayon, kung ito lang naman ang tumataguyod sa pang-araw-araw nating pamumuhay. Ito ang siyang katulong natin sa ating mga pan-araw-araw na Gawain. Malalaman bang isang Pilipino ang isang tao ng di mo kinakausap? Maaari, ngunit mas masasabing Pilipino siya kung siya ay walang takot magsalita ng sarili niyang wika. Hindi ba’t salita ang pinakamakapangyarihang elemento ng wika? Isipin nalang na wala tayong ginagamit na lengwaheng maiintindihan natin saan man sa Pilipinas tayo magpunta. Magkaka-intindihan kaya tayo? Malalaman mo ba ang mga nais iparating ng mga taga davao kung ikaw ang isang laking-Maynila? Kaya nga ba ganoon na lang ang kahalagahan ng pagkakaroon ng ating wikang pambansa. Dahil dito ay magkakaroon ng kaisahan at pagkaka-intindihan ang bawat Pilipino saan man sa pilipinas.


Ang dating presidenteng Manuel Luis Quezon, ang tinaguriang “Ama ng Wika”, ang siyang nagpatupad ng “batas komonwelt” na naghahangad ng pagkakaroon ng sarili nating wikang pambansa. Ito ay ibinase sa mga dominanteng diyalekto sa pilipinas. At sa pangangalap ng ating wikang pambansa, tagalong ang ginawang basehan, dahil ito ay nagtataglay na ng nalinang nang panitikan at wikang sinasalita ng nakahihigit ng mga Pilipino. At doon, ay nagsimula na ang iba pang kautusan ukol sa pagsasatupad ng sarili nating wikang pambansa hanggang sa noong Agosto 25, 1988, Ang Kautusang Tagapagpaganap Blg. 335 ay ipinalabas at nilagdaan ni Pangulong Corazon Aquino na nagsasabi ng paglikha ng Komisyong Pangwika na siyang magpapatuloy ng pag-aaral ng Filipino. pinagtibay din ang paggamit ng Filipino bilang midyum ng pagtuturo sa mga paaralan sa mga piling asignatura. At doon nagsimula ang pagkakaisa ng bawat Pilipino batay sa komunikasyon. Simpleng mensahe na nais maiparating ay maaari ng maintindihan at ng may kaayusan. Kahit saan pa, kahit ano pa, ay nagkakaroon na ng pagkaka-intindihan. Nalinang ang mga kinatatago tagong kaalaman ng mga Pilipino ukol sa pakikipagtalastasan. Nalinang din ang iba’t ibang panitikan na siyang nagbunga ng unibersal na pagkilala sa mga Pilipino bilang Pilipino. Lahat ng ito ay utang nating mga Pilipino sa yumao nating presidente, Manuel L. Quezon.


Filipino, ito ang ating wikang pamabansa. Ito ang nagkakaisa sa ating mga Pilipino mapa-Pilipinas man o ibang bansa. Ito ang tulay nating mga Pilipino sa pagkakaintindihan mapa-igorot man o manilenyo. Iba iba man ang kultura ay napag-iisa parin ng sarili nating wika. Mapunta man sa ibang bansa ay di pa rin ma-aalis ang salitang siyang nagbibigay sa atin ng kapangyarihang mangibabaw at maglaganap ng mensaheng nais ilaganap. Sa dami nga naman ng mga pilipinong nangingibang bansa ay masasabi ng unibersal na rin ang ating wikang Filipino. Hindi na nga ba nakapagtataka na kung sa isang araw ay may mga iba pang lugar sa labas ng pilipinas na siyang lungga na rin ng mga Pilipino. Sa pagkakaroon natin ng wikang pambansa ay naipapasa natin ito at napapanatili sa ating kultura mula sa ating mga kanunununuan hanggang sa mga susunod pang mga henerasyon. Huwag nating isipin na ingles lamang ang nagbubuklod sa mga tao sa buong mundo. Mayroon tayng sariling atin na siya ring nagbubuklod sa ating mga Pilipino sa loob man o labas ng pilipinas. Dahil rin ditto ay nakilala ang mga Pilipino sa kanilang malikhaing pag-iisip ukol sa malawak na mundo ng panitikan. Kaya nga ba ganoon na lamang kahalaga ang pagkakaroon natin ng wikang pambansa natin. Dahil ito lamang ang siyang elemento na lahat ng pilipno ay umaayon at nagkaka-isa. Ito ang aking wika, wikang pambansa. Mabuhay!




=my essay to filipino2.
whew. nosebleeedd!
=D

Love Fallacy

             I am a not-so-ordinary-college-student. And I know that as time goes by, I'll be encountering deceiving problems. Not of one girl waiting for things be settled on their own. mumbling, just in one corner then sigh. It's not so me. Yet it is not enough to know how to reason correctly. It is, actually, necessary to be able to spot poor reasoning, and, more importantly, to understand it. yes, indeed. I am fond of spotting one's mistake. Not really to make fun of it but to correct it. And, that's annoying for them. Yet, I care less about that. It's my way of socializing.

 I'd just like to share this story, i really fell in love with. It was actually in paired with my life.. - a tragic comedy. Please read carefully. Enjoy Reading! 

Title: Fallacy

Cool was I and logical. Keen, calculating, perspicacious, acute and astute-I was all of these. My brain was as powerful as a dynamo, as precise as a chemist's scales, as penetrating as a scalpel. And - think of it! - I was only eighteen.

It is not often that one so young has such a giant intellect. Take for example, Petey Butch, my roommate at the University of Minnesota. Same age, same background, but dumb as an ox. A nice enough fellow, you understand, but nothing upstairs. Emotional type. Unstable. Impressionable. Worst of all, a faddist. Fads, I submit, are the very negation of reason. To be swept up in every new craze that comes along, to surrender yourself to idiocy just because everybody else is doing it-this, to me, is the acme of mindlessness. Not, however, to Petey.

One afternoon I found Petey lying on his bed with an expression of such distress on his face that I immediately diagnosed appendicitis. "Don't move." I said. "Don't take a laxative. I'll get a doctor."

"Raccoon," he mumbled thickly.

"Raccoon?" I said, pausing in my flight.

"I want a raccoon coat," he wailed.

I perceived that his trouble was not physical, but mental. "Why do you want a raccoon coat?"

"I should have known it," he cried, pounding his temples. "I should have known they'd come back when the Charleston came back. Like a fool I spent all my money for textbooks, and now I can't get a raccoon coat."

"Can you mean," I said incredulously, "that people are actually wearing raccoon coats again?"

"All the Big Men on Campus are wearing them. Where have you been?"

"In the library," I said, naming a place not frequented by Big Men on Campus.

He leaped from the bed and paced the room. "I've got to have a raccoon coat," he said passionately. "I've got to!"

"Petey, why? Look at it rationally. Raccoon coats are unsanitary. They shed. They smell bad. They weigh too much. They're unsightly. They-"

"You don't understand," he interrupted impatiently. "It's the thing to do. Don't you want to be in the swim?"

"No," I said truthfully.

"Well, I do," he declared. "I'd give anything for a raccoon coat. Anything!"

My brain, that precision instrument, slipped into high gear. "Anything?" I asked, looking at him narrowly.

"Anything," he affirmed in ringing tones.

I stroked my chin thoughtfully. It so happened that I knew where to get my hands on a raccoon coat. My father had had one in his undergraduate days; it lay now in a trunk in the attic back home. It also happened that Petey had something I wanted. He didn't have it exactly, but at least he had first rights on it. I refer to his girl. Polly Espy.

I had long coveted Polly Espy. Let me emphasize that my desire for this young woman was not emotional in nature. She was, to be sure, a girl who excited the emotions, but I was not one to let my heart rule my head. I wanted Polly for a shrewdly calculated, entirely cerebral reason.

I was a freshman in law school. In a few years I would be out in practice. I was well aware of the importance of the right kind of wife in furthering a lawyer's career. The successful lawyers I had observed were, almost without exception, married to beautiful, gracious, intelligent women. With one omission, Polly fitted these specifications perfectly.

Beautiful she was. She was not yet of pin-up proportions, but I felt sure that time would supply the lack. She already had the makings.

Gracious she was. By gracious I mean full of graces. She had an erectness of carriage, an ease of bearing, a poise that clearly indicated the best of breeding. At table her manners were exquisite. I had seen her at the Kozy Kampus Korner eating the specialty of the house - a sandwich that contained scraps of pot roast, gravy chopped nuts, and a dipper of sauerkraut - without even getting her fingers moist.

Intelligent she was not. In fact, she veered in the opposite direction. But I believed that under my guidance she would smarten up. At any rate, it was worth a try. It is, after all, easier to make a beautiful dumb girl smart than to make an ugly smart girl beautiful.

"Petey," I said, "are you in love with Polly Espy?"

"I think she's a keen kid," he replied, "but I don't know if you'd call it love. Why?"

"Do you," I asked, "have any kind of formal arrangement with her? I mean are you going steady or anything like that?"

"No. We see each other quite a bit, but we both have other dates. Why?"

"Is there," I asked, "any other man for whom she has a particular fondness?"

"Not that I know of. Why?"

I nodded with satisfaction. "In other words, if you were out of the picture, the field would be open. Is that right?"

"I guess so. What are you getting at?"

"Nothing, nothing," I said innocently, and took my suitcase out of the closet.

"Where are you going?" asked Petey.

"Home for the weekend." I threw a few things into the bag.

"Listen," he said, clutching my arm eagerly. "While you're home, you couldn't get some money from your old man, could you, and lend it to me so I can buy a raccoon coat?"

"I may do better than that," I said with a mysterious wink and closed my bag and left.

"Look," I said to Petey when I got back Monday morning. I threw open the suitcase and revealed the huge, hairy, gamy object that my father had worn in his Stutz Bearcat in 1925.

[The Stutz Bearcat was an expensive sports car, very popular in the 1920s.]

"Holy Toledo!" said Petey reverently. He plunged his hands into the raccoon coat and then his face. "Holy Toledo," he repeated fifteen or twenty times.

"Would you like it?" I asked.

"Oh yes!" he cried, clutching the greasy pelt to him. Then a canny look came into his eyes. "What do you want for it?"

"Your girl," I said, mincing no words.

"Polly?" he said in a horrified whisper. "You want Polly?"

"That's right."

He flung the coat from him. "Never," he said stoutly.

I shrugged. "Okay. If you don't want to be in the swim, I guess it's your business."

I sat down in a chair and pretended to read a book, but out of the corner of my eye I kept watching Petey. He was a torn man. First he looked at the coat with the expression of a waif at a baker's window. Then he turned away and set his jaw resolutely. Then he looked back at the coat, with even more longing in his face. Then he turned away, but with not so much resolution this time. Back and forth his head swiveled, desire waxing, resolution waning. Finally he didn't turn away at all; he just stood and stared with mad lust at the coat.

"It isn't as though I was in love with Polly," he said thickly. "Or going steady or anything like that."

"That's right," I murmured.

"What's Polly to me, or me to Polly?"

"Not a thing," said I.

"It's just been a causal kick-just a few laughs, that's all."

"Try on the coat," said I.

He complied. The coat bunched high over his ears and dropped all the way down to his shoe tops. He looked like a mound of dead raccoons. "Fits fine," he said happily.

I rose from my chair. "Is it a deal?" I asked, extending my hand. He swallowed. "It's a deal," he said and shook my hand.

I had my first date with Polly the following evening. This was in the nature of a survey; I wanted to find out just how much work I had to do to get her mind up to the standard I required. I took her first to dinner. "Gee, that was a delish dinner," she said as we left the restaurant. Then I took her to a movie. "Gee, that was a marvy movie," she said as we left the theater. And then I took her home. "Gee, I had a sensaysh time," she said as she bade me good night.

I went back to my room with a heavy heart. I had gravely underestimated the size of my task. This girl's lack of information was terrifying. Nor would it be enough merely to supply her with information. First she had to be taught to think. This loomed as a project of no small dimensions, and at first I was tempted to give her back to Petey. But then I got to thinking about her abundant physical charms and about the way she entered a room and the way she handled a knife and fork, and I decided to make an effort.

I went about it, as in all things, systematically. I gave her a course in logic. It happened that I, as a law student, was taking a course in logic myself, so I had all the facts at my finger tips. "Polly," I said to her when I picked her up on the next date, "tonight we are going over to the knoll and talk."

"Oo, terrif," she replied. One thing I will say for this girl: you would go far to find another so agreeable.

We went to the Knoll, the campus trysting place, and we sat down under an old oak, and she looked at me expectantly. "What are we going to talk about?" she asked.

"Logic."

She thought this over for a minute and decided she liked it. "Magnif," she said.

"Logic," I said, clearing my throat, "is the science of thinking. Before we can think correctly, we must first learn to recognize the common fallacies of logic. These we will take up tonight."

"Wow-dow!" she cried, clapping her hands delightedly.

I winced, but went bravely on. "First let us examine the fallacy called Dicto Simpliciter."

"By all means," she urged, batting her lashes eagerly.

"Dicto Simpliciter means an argument based on an unqualified generalization. For example: Exercise is good. Therefore everybody should exercise."

" I agree" said Polly earnestly. "I mean exercise is wonderful. I mean it builds the body and everything."

"Polly," I said gently, "the argument is a fallacy. Exercise is good is an unqualified generalization. For instance, if you have heart disease, exercise is bad, not good. Many people are ordered by their doctors not to exercise. You must qualify the generalization. You must say exercise is usually good, or exercise is good for most people. Otherwise you have committed a Dicto Simpliciter. Do you see?"

"No." she confessed. "But this is marvy. Do more! Do more!"

"It will be better if you stop tugging at my sleeve," I told her, and when she desisted, I continued. "Next we take up a fallacy called Hasty Generalization. Listen carefully: You can't speak French. I can't speak French. Petey Burch can't speak French. I must therefore conclude that nobody at the University of Minnesota can speak French."

"Really?" said Polly, amazed. "Nobody?"

I hid my exasperation. "Polly, it's a fallacy. The generalization is reached too hastily. There are too few instances to support such a conclusion."

"Know any more fallacies?" she asked breathlessly. "This is more fun than dancing even."

I fought off a wave of despair. I was getting nowhere with this girl, absolutely nowhere. Still, I am nothing if not persistent. I continued. "Next comes post Hoc. Listen to this: Let's not take Bill on our picnic. Every time we take him out with us, it rains."

"I know somebody just like that," she exclaimed. "A girl back home - Eula Becker, her name is. It never fails. Every single time we take her on a picnic-."

"Polly," I said sharply, "It's a fallacy. Eula Becker doesn't cause the rain. She has no connection with the rain. You are guilty of Post Hoc if you blame Eula Becker."

"I'll never do it again," she promised contritely. "Are you mad at me?"

I sighed deeply. "No , Polly, I'm not mad."

"Then tell me some more fallacies."

"All right. Let's try Contradictory Premises."

"Yes, let's," she chirped, blinking her eyes happily.

I frowned, but plunged ahead. "Here's an example of Contradictory Premises: If God can do anything, can he make a stone so heavy that He won't be able to lift it?"

"Of course," she replied promptly.

"But if He can do anything, he can lift the stone," I pointed out.

"Yeah," she said thoughtfully. "Well, then I guess He can't make the stone."

"But He can do anything." I reminded her.

She scratched her pretty, empty head. "I'm all confused," she admitted.

"Of course you are. Because when the premises of an argument contradict each other, there can be no argument. If there is an irresistible force, there can be no immovable object. If there is an immovable object, there can be no irresistible force. Get it?"

"Tell me some more of this keen stuff," she said eagerly.

I consulted my watch. "I think we'd better call it a night. I'll take you home now, and you go over all the things you've learned. We'll have another session tomorrow night."

I deposited her at the girls' dormitory, where she assured me that she had had a perfectly terrif evening, and I went glumly home to my room. Petey lay snoring in his bed, the raccoon coat huddled like a great hairy beast at his feet. For a moment I considered waking him and telling him that he could have his girl back. It seemed clear that my project was doomed to failure. The girl simply had a logic-proof head.

But the I reconsidered. I had wasted one evening: I might as well waste another. Who knew? Maybe somewhere in the extinct crater of her mind, a few embers still smoldered. Maybe somehow I could fan them into flame. Admittedly it was not a prospect fraught with hope, but I decided to give it one more try.

Seated under the oak the next evening I said, "Our first fallacy tonight is called Ad Misericordiam."

She quivered with delight.

"Listen closely," I said. "A man applies for a job. When the boss asks him what his qualifications are, he replies that he has a wife and six children at home, the wife is a helpless cripple, the children have nothing to eat, no clothes to wear, no shoes on their feet, there are no beds in the house, no coal in the cellar, and winter is coming."

A tear rolled down each of Polly's pink cheeks. "Oh, this is awful, awful," she sobbed.

"Yes, it's awful," I agreed, "but it's no argument. The man never answered the boss's question about his qualifications. Instead he appealed to the boss's sympathy. He committed the fallacy of Ad Misericordiam. Do you understand?"

"Have you got a handkerchief?" she blubbered.

I handed her a handkerchief and tried to keep from screaming while she wiped her eyes. "Next," I said in a carefully controlled tone, "we will discuss False Analogy. Here is an example: Students should be allowed to look at their textbooks during examinations. After all, surgeons have X-rays to guide them during an operation, lawyers have briefs to guide them during a trial, carpenters have no blueprints to guide them when they are building a house. Why, then, shouldn't students be allowed to look at their textbooks during an examination?"

"There now," she said enthusiastically, "is the most marvy idea I've heard in years."

"Polly," I said testily, "the argument is all wrong. Doctors, lawyers, and carpenters aren't taking a test to see how much they have learned, but students are. The situations are altogether different, and you can't make an analogy between them."

"I still think it's a good idea," said Polly.

"Nuts," I muttered. Doggedly I pressed on. "Next we'll try Hypothesis Contrary to Fact."

"Sounds yummy," was Polly's reaction. "Listen: If Madame Curie had not happened to leave a photographic plate in a drawer with a chunk of pitchblende, the world today would not know about radium."

"True, true," said Polly, nodding her head. "Did you see the movie? Oh, it just knocked me out. That Walter Pidgeon is so dreamy. I mean he fractures me."

"If you can forget Mr. Pidgeon for a moment," I said coldly. "I would like to point out that the statement is a fallacy. Maybe Madame Curie would have discovered radium at some later date. Maybe somebody else would have discovered it. Maybe any number of things would have happened. You can't start with a hypothesis that is not true and then draw any supportable conclusions from it."

"They ought to put Walter Pidgeon in more pictures," said Polly. "I hardly ever see him any more."

One more chance, I decided. But just one more. There is a limit to what flesh and blood can bear. "The next fallacy is called Poisoning the Well."

"How cute!" she gurgled.

"Two men are having a debate. The first one gets up and says, 'My opponent is a notorious liar. You can't believe a word that he is going to say' . . . Now, Polly, think. Think hard. What's wrong?"

I watched her closely as she knit her creamy brow in concentration. Suddenly a glimmer of intelligence - the first I had seen - came into her eyes. "It's not fair," she said with indignation. "It's not a bit fair. What chance has the second man got if the first man calls him a liar before he even begins talking?"

"Right!" I cried exultantly. "One hundred percent right. It's not fair. The first man has poisoned the well before anybody could drink from it. He has hamstrung his opponent before he could even start . . . . Polly I'm proud of you."

"Pshaw," she murmured, blushing with pleasure.

"You see, my dear, these things aren't so hard. All you have to do is concentrate. Think - - examine - - evaluate. Come now, let's review everything we have learned."

"Fire away," she said with an airy wave of her hand.

Heartened by the knowledge that Polly was not altogether a cretin, I began a long, patient review of all I had told her. Over and over and over again I cited instances, pointed out flaws, kept hammering away without let up. It was like digging a tunnel. At first everything was work, sweat, and darkness. I had no idea when I would reach the light, or even if I would. But I persisted. I pounded and clawed and scraped, and finally I was rewarded. I saw a chink of light. And then the chink got bigger and the sun came pouring in and all was bright.

Five grueling nights this took, but it was worth it. I had made a logician out of Polly; I had taught her to think. My job was done. She was worthy of me at last. She was a fit wife for me, a proper hostess for my many mansions, a suitable mother for my well-heeled children.

It must not be thought that I was without love for this girl. Quite the contrary. Just as Pygmalion loved the perfect woman he had fashioned, so I loved mine. I determined to acquaint her with my feelings at our very next meeting. The time had come to change our relationship from academic to romantic.

"Polly," I said when next we sat beneath our oak, "tonight we will not discuss fallacies."

"Aw, gee," she said, disappointed.

"My dear," I said, favoring her with a smile, "we have now spent five evenings together. We have gotten along splendidly. It is clear that we are well matched."

"Hasty Generalization," said Polly brightly.

"I beg your pardon," said I.

"Hasty Generalization," she repeated. "How can you say that we are well matched on the basis of only five dates?"

I chuckled with amusement. The dear child had learned her lessons well. "My dear," I said, patting her hand in a tolerant manner, "five dates is plenty. After all, you don't have to eat a whole cake to know that it's good."

"False Analogy," said Polly promptly. "I'm not a cake. I'm a girl."

I chuckled with somewhat less amusement. The dear child had learned her lessons perhaps too well. I decided to change tactics. Obviously the best approach was a simple, strong, direct declaration of love. I paused for a moment while my massive brain chose the proper words. Then I began:

"Polly, I love you. You are the whole world to me, and the moon, and the stars and the constellations of outer space. Please, my darling, say that you will go steady with me, for if you will not, life will be meaningless. I will languish. I will refuse my meals. I will wander the face of the earth, a shambling, hollow-eyed hulk."

There, I thought, folding my arms, that ought to do it.

"Ad Misericordiam," said Polly.

I ground my teeth. I was not Pygmalion; I was Frankenstein, and my monster had me by the throat. Frantically I fought back the tide of panic surging through me. At all costs I had to keep cool.

"Well, Polly," I said, forcing a smile, "you certainly have learned your fallacies."

"You're darn right," she said with a vigorous nod.

"And who taught them to you, Polly?"

"You did."

"That's right. So you do owe me something, don't you, my dear? If I hadn't come along you never would have learned about fallacies."

"Hypothesis Contrary to Fact," she said instantly.

I dashed perspiration from my brow. "Polly," I croaked, "you mustn't take all these things so literally. I mean this is just classroom stuff. You know that things you learn in school don't have anything to do with life."

"Dicto Simpliciter," she said, wagging her finger at me playfully. That did it. I leaped to my feet, bellowing like a bull. "Will you or will you not go steady with me?"

"I will not," she replied.

"Why not?" I demanded.

"Because this afternoon I promised Petey Burch that I would go steady with him."

I reeled back, overcome with the infamy of it. After he promised, after he made a deal, after he shook my hand! "The rat!" I shrieked, kicking up great chunks of turf. "You can't go with him, Polly. He's a liar. He's a cheat. He's a rat."

"Poisoning the Well" said Polly, "and stop shouting. I think shouting must be a fallacy too."

With an immense effort of will, I modulated my voice. "All right," I said. "You're a logician. Let's look at this thing logically. How could you choose Petey Burch over me? Look at me - - a brilliant student, a tremendous intellectual, a man with an assured future. Look at Pete -- a knothead, a jitterbug, a guy who'll never know where his next meal is coming from. Can you give me one logical reason why you should go steady with Petey Burch?"

"I certainly can," declared Polly. "He's got a raccoon coat."

THE END